Why can't the people I trust most and who I love just accept that I've tried my best? It wasn't as though I didn't want to score with flying colours. I admit my results weren't that good, it's okay. 5 A's and 3 B's, but at least I got A's for the main subjects except for Geography :/
My grandparents and aunt congratulated me even though I kept repeating I did badly and I didn't deserve the amount of credit they gave me. But they put a stop at my mouth, saying what's important I did my best and they said I did great. Thank you guys, you don't know how much that meant to me.
I broke the news to my parents who were in Taiwan. My mum was shocked and furious with my result. I cried silently when she told me how bad my result was and that she can't believe I can do that bad. That was her first line when I broke the news. God, she didn't know how painful I felt and that all I need to hear from her was some support and that she knew I tried my best.
She didn't see it that way.
My dad called up again a few minutes later. He asked me to call the Jabatan Pelajaran Negeri to recheck again. He kept on pressuring me over and over again that in some miracle they forgot to check the folios I did or there were some errors.
I was in such a state, I was ready to breakdown and cry with never ending tears. He kept on babbling on and on but my mind wasn't paying attention to his voice. I felt so pressured and depressed I was ready to yell at him to shut up!
But before this, I dreamed I would get 3 B's for PMR. When I got the slip, I cried and cried. Partly because I can't believe the dream came true! My dreams never came reality to me and it was hard to cope with it.
And I asked silently, 'God. Why this? Why of all dreams, this had to come true? Why?'
My friends calm me down. Sharan was crying though but she did better than me(: All of us didn't get straight A's but the best part was, we all had each other's back. So I really want to thank them. I hope next year we will still be as close as now despite different classes and streams.
When we were eating lunch, I told my grandpa my result. He at first joked "What?! 3 B's?!" I laughed because I knew it was his way of joking. He loves to do jokes. But then, I really needed to know the truth for once, the truth in some way that how I did. You see, my grandpa may be a joker but he has a hypnotic character.
I asked: Grandpa, is my result bad?
He said: Bad? No, of course not. I don't judge by how many A's or B's you get.
I just kept quiet. Cause my mood was still somewhere depressed.
He continued: Why do you ask that?
I said: Daddy and Mummy said my result is bad. Real bad.
He shook his head. "That's where I disagree with your parents. You can't tell people they're bad just because they didn't get straight A's. Let me ask you, 2+2 is how many?"
I said: Four
He said: Wrong. It's 15. Have you heard the guy, Bill Gates? (I nodded) When people said, 2+2 =4 , he objected. He went and created 2+2 = 15. People thought he was crazy but now, he would be an unforgetable man that has changed the minds of technology. You can't always just stick to the same road everyone is going.
I asked: What do you mean?
He said: I know how much you want the 8 A's. But you got to understand, these A's would help you in college and U, but if you can't understand what you're doing, you won't survive in this world in the future. You have to learn to expand your mind, learn beyond the 8 A's, learn that A's would complete your certificate but it would not complete your mind if you just stick to the same thing because everyone is going there.
I said: Expand like how? I'm only a teen
He said: Expand like Gates did. Next time, there would be 2+2 = 24
I just laughed.
He asked: What do you want to be when you grow up? Seriously.
I said without missing a beat: A writer
He said: Go ahead with your dream. Don't let anyone stand in your way. Qamarina, last time your grandpa wasn't a straight A's student. When people got straight A's, 6 A's, I got 3 A's. When I took a course in U, I failed all subjects and only passed one.
I was like, wtf?
He continued: But now, I'm a director who also produces and writes. Back then, people thought I was going to fail in life but now, I prove myself and them that I can do it. Today, I'm higher than other people. Why? Because I never stop in learning and believing, and I never stop thinking the impossible and think beyond I think.
At that, he completely answered my question. At that, I knew I wasn't some girl who just go to school and past time. I am the girl who wants the best in her life. I want to continue pursuing my dream without doubting if that stream would do any good for me. As for my parents, I hope one day I would prove myself to them as my grandpa did.
So now, when people say congrats to me, I accept it gratefully and thanked them because I knew, I did my best. Not everyone is good at everything. Maybe the day would come, when I'm good at something. Now I know why they say, "It's life. Live life to the fullest."
Grandpa, thank you so much. You don't know how much burden you lifted off my shoulders.
I'm okay but not fully okay. Yet ;)
p/s. Yes, I'm entering Art stream next year and am gonna take up Literature in U(: