Sunday, September 19, 2010

I am so sorry for being able to comment back or read your blogs lately. Life has been SO BUSY for me lately. Trial starts next Wednesday (OMFG) like 'shitta shit shoot'. Trial is harder than SPM, believe it or not. Seriously so that's why I'm like freaking out but not hoping too much for my grades this time.

But I want to get all A's & B's (I'm not smart) above! If I get all 10 A+ for my SPM, the government would give me a scholarship straight away :O

*Pffft* Like that's gonna happen to me. I'm not being negative and stuff but I know where I stand. I'm not stupid but I'm not smart either. It's true, academic wise. 10 A+ are like grades that the smartest of the smartest can get. I'm not excellent in Science and Maths...those that really crack your brain. Nope, not all.

I'm an Arts girl caught in Science stream. Just my luck.

But I just can't wait for all these to be over, you know. Trial, SPM & school. 4 more months...then school is over me. 4 MORE MONTHS. Oh God. And SPM is like in November, mid november :/ Somebody shoot me already. I want it to be over like NOW!

Time seems so fast and slow at the same time, this year. I can't quite put my hands to it but yeah, that's how it feels like now. I wouldn't say 2010 is my favourite year but it's one of the years I'll never ever forget :) I met a lot of new people this year and got to know some people whom I know but never close with - and it's so nice, really. I keep thinking about how will we all go from here.

Sure, I hope some things remain unchanged but the future is always changing. So just let it be, don't control it and don't hope too high.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Twist in Life

open house :)

Aunt & Sis.

grandparents <3


There's been quite a lot of things going on lately. No, nothing serious or drastic., you know. Eid Mubarak was fun, though not as fun as I celebrated in the city this year. Usually we'll go back to my grandpa's hometown but this year, we didn't. Sigh :(

Speaking of life, I didn't realize that I was holding on and hoping that things would remain the same forever. Sub-consciously, I think all of us are scared of changes at the beginning. We begin to question 'Why', 'How' and 'What' but the truth is, there's really no honest answers. Just answers we create to comfort ourselves.

Sometimes I sit back and keep on asking myself - "Where did it all go wrong?" I spent loads of time, mentally thinking about it that at one point, I felt depressed. Haha, I think too much, that's the problem. But soon I realized "Nothing went wrong. Things just...changed."

Okay, here's an analogy. Imagine 2 people are walking on one straight road and they reached a junction; a left turn and a right turn. This guy feels like he has to take the right turn and the other thinks that he has to take the left turn. And so, they cross each other and took their own turns. At the end, there's no good reason why they took those turns, same applies to changes. It just happened.

'People change. Hearts move on.' At one point, you felt that it was heading this way; then all of a sudden, you get lost in the woods, trying to find your way out. At once, we start to panic - human nature :) But the truth is, we shouldn't panic cause we're lost. The thing is: we are never really lost. We just think we are.

That's what happened to me. I thought I was lost. I keep looking for a way out, back to where I last came from. But you know as they say 'keep moving forward'. It was hard at first, it was hard to accept and grasp it but I've come to my sense. My mind still wanders and think about it but as for my feelings and heart, they've moved on, slowly but greatly.

We are all scared of the changing and growing process. We're not sure where we're heading, what's to come and why is this happening to me situations...The key to this whole thing is just to accept it as the way it is. Don't fight or deny it but just say 'I'll work this out'. I may be not some 60 years old philosopher but I know at this point, that's a fact we all have to accept to get our lives going.

You know what I CANNOT wait for now? SPM to be over done with. Like shit over.

I have to really start studying now. I don't want to regret later. Cause then, I'll have no one to blame but myself.

Life's a beach, I'm just playing in the sand ;)

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Last Day of Fasting :)

ohh, all the food and money $$$

That's in Malaysian version :)
but also known as Eid Mubarak.

There's been a lot of dispute over Islam and now,
'Burn a Quran Day' on this Saturday :/

I just want to say that,
Don't let these minority people make you hate Islam and Muslims.
If there's anyone whose at fault, it's those who did wrong.
Not Islam, not every Muslims, not me.

No religion teaches their people to do bad things.
No religion is evil. No bloody such thing.

I'll post some pictures after I'm done celebrating with all my family and friends, aite?
Til then, take care! xoxo

Monday, September 6, 2010

Dreams - Gone, Kept, Wasted

You know what's make us, humans so wasted?
Besides the fact we waste food, money and whatsoever.
Dreams are wasted, more than any of us could ever imagined.
Loss of hope, faith and trust - one dream after another, they all come crushing down.
We throw away those wasted, 'never became' dreams aside,
letting them pile up and rot in the attic.

But maybe, if we have worked harder to achieve them.
Maybe if we had set our priorities straight,
if we put effort in those dreams, we could've made them real.

Don't you think it's sad? Dreams are being wasted.
Because it's wasting yourself. There must be a reason why those were your dreams.
Because it makes you smile. It makes you happy.
Because that's all you really ever ask for.

The thing about us is that we dream only because we believe,
it can never happen.
Every night, we lie in our beds, everything passing through our minds;
we dream of those things we believe we could never have.
We sigh and smile in our sleeps because it felt real enough
but never good enough.

When we wake up and realized that it's all over,
we tell ourselves, 'I'll dream about it tonight.'
True enough, we're creating 2 dimensions of ourselves;
the world that we walk on and the place where we dream to live.

Dreams. Our most wasted trash.
But not everything works on a shooting star, right?