Monday, October 11, 2010

Drowning In Myself

"You can do this!" "You have to do this!" "Nothing is impossible!"

Oh yeah? I doubt what cross your mind everyday.

Expectations. We all have expectations for ourselves, let it be for studies, work, jobs - we all have the bar set up high and say 'I'm gonna reach that bar'. As we climb up to reach that bar, we go through many types of obstacles that make a foot high bar feeling like eternity. But that's what it's all about, right? Not about how fast you reach the top but what you've been through to reach the top.

Right now, I feel so hopeless. Like a failure. 38 more days and I'm still struggling.

I expect myself to do better, to obtain a REALLY GOOD result for SPM but now...I don't know. My expectation is killing me but it's what that keeps me going. Other people's expectations like parents and teachers - how am I ever going to reach that?

38 more days.

I know I shouldn't hear what others have to say but they are right. I feel so burdened by these expectations, even burdening myself with my own expectation.

38 more days.

Can I do it? I really am not sure. All I want is to curl in my bed and cure this daily basis headache from my lacking of sleep. I worry too much, though I can't help it in moments like this when everything seem to be falling off the sky.

38 more days.

❒ Single ❒ Taken ❒ Lesbian ✔ In a contract relationship with SPM til it's over.

I need more discipline. I need some luck. I need lots of never ending work. I need HOPE right now.

1 comment:

Nurul Emilia Harun said...

I know you can do it Qamarina :)