I didn't know it was possible to be in crowd yet still so alone. Worst part? This feeling always come out of the blue. Nothing happened. I'm perfectly fine, maybe happy or just alright but within a blink of an eye, I just come tumbling down.
I don't show it. I keep that smile and laugh on my face. I keep it until I don't even know when I'm pretending and when I'm real. Sounds depressing? Probably. The thing is the only way I can express myself without needing to cover is by writing. In words.
Books are my saviours. They keep me alive and comfort me when nobody else can. They are pages filled with words but for that period of time I'm reading, I can be in a whole different world. In a different place. Different clothes. Different hair. Different life.
You can't blame those who wish to have Edward Cullen as their guy, nor can you blame those who wish to be flying on broomsticks in Hogwarts. I want to live in Alice in Wonderland or Narnia. Amazing books, amazing stories - both fictions. Sometimes I want Peter Pan to appear at my window and take me to Neverland.
But that will never happen.
Sometimes I just need someone to listen, just listen. Don't judge me or think I'm crazy, just listen. I have always, as far as I can remember that I'm known as the 'smiley person', the 'happy go lucky' girl, the 'laughing' girl.....well, I guess I'm a pretty good actor. Showing the half side of me. Probably what most people would want to see only.
I thank God for giving us imagination. At least in a way, I still can escape, even just for a little while.
For now, at this sentence - I'm feeling better after writing it out.
"All alone! Whether you like it or not, alone is something you'll be quite a lot." - Dr. Seuss