Thursday, June 23, 2011

Something Missing?

I have this habit.

I am constantly searching for something - that I don't even know what it is. Sometimes it feels as though I'm trying to catch the wind but most of the time, I can feel it. This may sound quite like 'wtf is she trying to say here' but honestly, that's what I'm feeling most days.

I feel that something is missing. Whether that something is important or not, I can't exactly determine it. Is it a want or a need? I don't even know. But right to the core, I know that 'something' must be found. A person? An object? A vision? An inspiration? Oh God, this is making me so clueless.

Countless times, I come to a point where I lose my way and my head will filled so many thoughts - sometimes, no thoughts all. Is this a phrase that most 18 years old go through? I wish I knew. Everyone has their own battle with themselves, I just wish I knew what mine is. I find myself battling between my logic and my feelings.

Logic: Yes. No. Black. White.

Feelings: I don't know. Maybe. Should be. Pink. Blue. Orange.

If you get what I mean....

But maybe, there are just some things in life that are not meant to be searched.

Maybe, I just need to wait. And wait. (not too long, please)

Monday, June 13, 2011


We are always craving for something and most of the time; we don't even what we crave for. Are we craving for the mouth watering dessert? Or we craving for the holes in our hearts to be filled?

‘Cause I believe that no matter how much wealth, how much fame, how much things that we have; we're constantly craving for more. I used to crave for the ice-cream man on his motorbike to pass my house when I was a young kid. Now, that ice-cream man no longer passes by - I wonder what happened to him. So, my craving changed. I craved from ice-creams to chocolates; from teddy bears to earrings; from Barney to lipsticks; from colouring books to writing a blog.

Cravings change as times change, as people change, as things change. Little did we actually realise how all of these things change. It could’ve been for the best but there’ll always be a part of me wanting relive that time of what I craved most.

So what do I crave for now? Currently in 2011, I crave for chocolates, vintages, my blackberry, pretty headbands, lasagna, beaches and pretty, floral designs. These are so different from what I craved back in 10 years ago.

Time. What it does to us.

I think I might be craving for an ice-cream now.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Random Facts

1. I think pretty boys are sexy

2. British accents always get my knees wobbling *sigh*


4. Unless you were raised up in the UK, don’t use that fake accent on me. Fucking hate it.


6. Bitchy boys are the worst. (only GIRLS can be that)

7. I’m a diehard Westlife fan.

8. I only write with black ink pens.

9. Obsess with FLORAL prints and design.

10. When I was 5, I used to think singers have only one song.

11. Girls with pretty, long legs are sexy.

12. I can never do maths. Ever.

13. I love History! :’)

14. I want to marry a guy who can cook. Like really cook.

15. If I could be an animal, I would be a horse.

16. I believe cockroaches should be extinct from this planet called Earth.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Invisible Box


Not something I'm really fond of talking about. I regret some things, I miss some things but most of all, those pasts will forever remain as memories. I could cry twenty bucket of tears and pray 50 times everyday but there's nothing I could ever change.

I dislike the fact that when I'm alone in my room, all sorts of thoughts pass through my head and I can't control them. I usually make up of 'what could have been', 'what should have been', 'what happened' but like every time, I relive my favourite moments in my head. Replay, replay, replay.

Then again, there are those bitter & painful memories that will always bring tears to my eyes. Mostly, I miss the feelings that I used to have. There are times I would just give anything to relive those again because I have lost some of the feelings that made me so vulnerable.

Past memories are not something I deal with very well. I prefer to cover them up and just.....let them be where they supposed to be - memories. Kept in a box, in the back of my head. I don't open that box, it doesn't have a lock or a key; I pretend that the box isn't there but sometimes (like now) we all have to let it out once in a while.

Looking through the box, the truth is I still don't understand most of what happened. I hate the fact that most of what I get out from the box are memories that I wish would never stay. I want to vanish, burn, destroy and just never existed. The wounds that I had back then, I realised never really heal.

But it's all right. Time heals everything. I'm better than before. Getting better by the day.

Nothing can bring me down again.