Not something I'm really fond of talking about. I regret some things, I miss some things but most of all, those pasts will forever remain as memories. I could cry twenty bucket of tears and pray 50 times everyday but there's nothing I could ever change.
I dislike the fact that when I'm alone in my room, all sorts of thoughts pass through my head and I can't control them. I usually make up of 'what could have been', 'what should have been', 'what happened' but like every time, I relive my favourite moments in my head. Replay, replay, replay.
Then again, there are those bitter & painful memories that will always bring tears to my eyes. Mostly, I miss the feelings that I used to have. There are times I would just give anything to relive those again because I have lost some of the feelings that made me so vulnerable.
Past memories are not something I deal with very well. I prefer to cover them up and just.....let them be where they supposed to be - memories. Kept in a box, in the back of my head. I don't open that box, it doesn't have a lock or a key; I pretend that the box isn't there but sometimes (like now) we all have to let it out once in a while.
Looking through the box, the truth is I still don't understand most of what happened. I hate the fact that most of what I get out from the box are memories that I wish would never stay. I want to vanish, burn, destroy and just never existed. The wounds that I had back then, I realised never really heal.
But it's all right. Time heals everything. I'm better than before. Getting better by the day.
Nothing can bring me down again.