Friday, July 22, 2011

Never Will, Never Would

Finally, I am back to blogging after for so long. There are only 2 reasons: Time and Busy. When you combine both, it produces tiredness and stress. So it had me thinking of what I really want and what I really don't want. I don't want tiredness; I want carefree. I don't want to rush; I want more time.

I've been thinking and these are what I could get from myself:

What I Want

Flowers: They’re so pretty and nice to look at! I’ve always catch myself smiling looking at pretty flowers. Odd? I think so.

Chocolate: I’m one of those girls who choose chocolate over salad any day.

Storybooks: Now that Harry Potter has finally ended (sobs), I need a new fiction adventure to read on. I’ve already flew on broomsticks and been to Hogwarts…..wait, I don’t want Harry Potter to end! :’-(

Faith: I keep losing hope too easily. I need faith to keep my hopes and never let them go. In the world we’re living, I need both of them to live.

What I Don’t Want


Parking: I can never park my car properly cause I can’t seem to get into the right parking line!

Cigarettes: Please. Stop smoking.

Vegetables: I don’t mind fruits.

Broken promises: Don’t promise, if you can’t keep it. Don’t promise because you feel you need to. Don’t.

Those things are unlikely to happen. "Whatever you want, you won't get. Whatever you don't want, you will get." But I guess there's always a reason why we end up with things we do not want, right? Here we go again......disappointment.

But last and not least,

Saturday, July 9, 2011


I feel worried.

I feel so tired.

I feel numb.

That's all I can say.

Friday, July 1, 2011

An Actress in Life


That’s one thing all of us are pretty much good at it. Or at least, I know I am. I’m talking about denying things, not lying about things. Those two words hold completely different meaning. When I lie, I’m keeping away the truth from others. When I deny, I’m hiding the truth away from myself.

Funny thing is I do realise that whenever it comes down to things that affects me emotionally, I will merely deny (silently) to myself. I come up with endless assumptions, logics and buts’, in attempt to avoid the truth that is written down in black and white in front of me. I keep asking myself ‘why do I keep doing this to myself?’ – the only thing that could come to my mind is: to comfort myself.

Some people find comfort in eating lots of food. I don’t, because I’m already quite fat. Some find comfort in crying themselves to sleep every night. I can’t, my ego won’t let me. Some find comfort in spilling out everything to others. I won’t, I prefer to keep things all to myself.

I know those are rather negative things to be thinking but that is how I am; that is how I view, accept, believe and deny things. When I deny things, usually those that are affecting me emotionally, I will always come out with scenarios that are opposite with it. Apply the logics into work and bait myself into believing the truth that was never there.

That is until today, something happened (a really minor thing) that trigger me to so badly that I eventually slept off for 3 good hours because I was just so tired. I don’t mean the literal meaning of tired by the way.

But I’m all better now.

Back to denying and hopefully, I don’t have to deny anymore.