Friday, July 1, 2011

An Actress in Life


That’s one thing all of us are pretty much good at it. Or at least, I know I am. I’m talking about denying things, not lying about things. Those two words hold completely different meaning. When I lie, I’m keeping away the truth from others. When I deny, I’m hiding the truth away from myself.

Funny thing is I do realise that whenever it comes down to things that affects me emotionally, I will merely deny (silently) to myself. I come up with endless assumptions, logics and buts’, in attempt to avoid the truth that is written down in black and white in front of me. I keep asking myself ‘why do I keep doing this to myself?’ – the only thing that could come to my mind is: to comfort myself.

Some people find comfort in eating lots of food. I don’t, because I’m already quite fat. Some find comfort in crying themselves to sleep every night. I can’t, my ego won’t let me. Some find comfort in spilling out everything to others. I won’t, I prefer to keep things all to myself.

I know those are rather negative things to be thinking but that is how I am; that is how I view, accept, believe and deny things. When I deny things, usually those that are affecting me emotionally, I will always come out with scenarios that are opposite with it. Apply the logics into work and bait myself into believing the truth that was never there.

That is until today, something happened (a really minor thing) that trigger me to so badly that I eventually slept off for 3 good hours because I was just so tired. I don’t mean the literal meaning of tired by the way.

But I’m all better now.

Back to denying and hopefully, I don’t have to deny anymore.

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