I've finally finished reading The Picture of Dorian Gray. Omg, it is just SO GOOD. A really great book. There wasn't a moment of dullness in it, though I must admit sometimes I can't quite catch half of what Lord Henry and Dorian were exactly saying but I do get it at the same time. Makes any sense?
Dorian is just so beautiful.
I always fall in love with book characters. Always.
Have you ever had that feeling or moment when you just start to doubt about every single thing? I had it last night and dear lord, my mind was out of control. I have never felt so frustrated and uneasy.
When I say 'every single thing', I do mean every single thing. About your thoughts, feelings, people, the past, present, future, etc. and the list goes on. For a moment right there, everything seems wrong. It felt as though I was in the wrong place and in the wrong time as well.
The fact that I don't channel my emotions outwardly makes it worse because it is all confined up in me. It makes me feel vulnerable when I talk about my emotions/feelings to people. I don't like feeling vulnerable. But writing it out (here) seems to be fine because well, I don't instantly or sometimes don't get a feedback. Guess what I really want is someone to just listen, don't judge me, don't give a feedback but still -- listens.
Ugh. The agony when you're at war with your own mind.
I don't want to doubt about everything. Who wants that, right? But I guess maybe the reason why some of us (I hope) doubt everything at times is because we expect too much and think too much and it just messed you up. I know I do. It's really unhealthy because the fact is that we don't always get what we want and what we planned won't always turn out the way we want it to be. I don't know why I keep on doing this to myself but I'm learning slowly to be 'healthier'.
You know what they say: Mind over Matter.
So yeah. I just hope this doesn't repeat again in the near future but knowing me.....let's just hope it won't. I think too much and worry too much but I refrain from telling others because it's just too much. Perhaps what I need is an imaginary friend who would think I'm too much to handle but will still handle me.