Sunday, April 29, 2012

Fragments of Thoughts

These past few days had me thinking about a lot of things and it felt all jumbled up. Nothing was bothering me, at least, externally. I couldn't straightened my thoughts and arrange them alphabetically; I simply didn't understand. I do that often at times, laying on my bed and allow my mind to run free. Not advisable though, especially when you can't seem to grasp what you're actually thinking about.

But I got some snips off my thoughts.

It goes like this:

Have you ever got that spur moment when you question yourself 'what am I doing here?' You know, being here. Existing. Living. Breathing. Why me? There are countless of things I question wanting to know why but I've been told it's not good to question such things. But I really want to know.

Why is the colour blue, blue?
Why are whales mammals?
Where do thoughts go when they are forgotten?
How can I talk to myself in my mind?

Most of all, where did I begin and where would I actually end?

Frankly, I'm not even certain why I question myself such unquestionable questions. Though I'm pretty positive that I'm not the only one.

It's quite surreal, isn't it? One day, you were born. Just like that. Maybe to some, it's just some celebration of a product of love but I find it amazing. Not about a newborn baby but the process of the baby before he/she was born -- like life was making itself before it actually begins. And this is amazing. A miracle if I were to put it.

And again, it comes again to where you ask 'why me?' Why am I put here. Honestly, I'm not a great person. I don't have some high IQ, I don't have perfect skin, my grades are somewhat average (below, maybe) -- I'm just so normal. Sometimes so normal, it feels like I can blend into the air that surrounds me. What does a normal person like me doing here, right now. It bothers me sometimes, I just can't grasp it. I just don't understand.

There's a saying "you were born to do something extraordinary." I'm pretty sure I won't be running for presidency or wipe out world hunger 110% any time soon. But I've come to a conclusion on my own, put it this way, I just needed some answers for myself.

Anyway, I guess I was born to do something extraordinary for those that matter to me. Let's say if you make your loved one smile because of something you did for them, that's already extraordinary. Simple act but hey, you did the extraordinary act by placing that smile on someone that matter you, and because you matter to that someone only did that act becomes extraordinary.

Am I confusing much? Pretty much.

If only I could share my thoughts with someone.


Shufei said...

"Where do thoughts go when they're forgotten?"

Holy shit, mindraped. Back of your head would be the first guess though! :P Your thoughts are exquisite, btw, honest.

Qamarina said...


Aww, thank you Shuf! :) Glad you're not freaked out by my thoughts, haha