Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Still Finding the Self in Me

You know how you promised yourself that you wouldn't be the person you promised not to be, but in the end, somewhere down the road you slowly changed into that person? Because it's a slow and 'undetected' process, you fail to recognised it at first and when you do finally realised it, it's almost a complete shock to yourself. Frustration the most.

And soon, you get tired of yourself.

This is not a self-inflicting post or anything but somewhat a realisation and writing out might clear these clouded mist in my head.

It's pretty ironic how things turned out or changed into something that you never wanted. Like how you've always wanted this thing but always ended up getting another thing. I did sit down and question myself how the heck did I become who I am now. Was it my friends? Books? School? Or it could be everything. The opposite attraction rule perhaps. When two subjects constantly defy against each other, the attraction between them increases -- like a magnet. West and East. Total opposite but attracted to each other. Or it was my carelessness. Getting carried away with the joys in life. Or well, I don't know for sure. Not exactly anyway.

I guess I made that promise to myself so I wouldn't be a bad person. I want to be a good person. Who doesn't anyway (well, most). But soon, you just have to start asking yourself "What makes a 'good person'?" A good education. Countless donations. Proper attire. Helpfulness. Politeness. The list can go on, so frankly, to be a good person is a rather subjective one. Some might not see a good education to 'give birth' a good person. Some may even go to the extent that your family background to define the good person you are. Yes, people still do this day. Like what the fucking crap you narrow minded asses. It just pisses me off.

A good person for me would be....everything I do, everything I act, everything I think and everything I say should be good itself -- not on just the surface but under the surface as well. It should not only bring the good out of me but attract more good around me. You know how the saying goes, "If you want to be smart, hang out with the smart people." It's the basic law of life. Basic of the basics. And it's time I put that to good use.

PS. Breaking a promise to yourself is worse than breaking a pinky promise.

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