Thursday, June 28, 2012

An Everyday War

Have you ever wonder what if this whole world is just a made-up? This life happening around us is actually fragmentation of our thoughts and we could actually be paralysed in a confinement - where we have no control of how we are living. The idea that this whole ideology of what we have been taught and brought up with are actually nothing. So mind fucking, isn't it.

I guess what I'm trying to come forth with is that life is complicated, as simple as it seems. By God, if only we could see the battles that we face everyday, every second in our lives. I bet that if we do, we would be traumatised to take another breath in. I'm not referring to those 'seen' battles in Iraq where it gains world headlines, instead battles that everyone faces - the 'unseen' ones. Plato once said, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Truth to be told, we are constantly fighting everyday, within ourselves and at ourselves. We all seem to be at a little war with ourselves. I don't believe we are made up of only one 'self', we are made up of so many 'self' which causes this war of 'I' against 'I'. This self wants this, that self wants that, another self wants that, another self wants this.

Then we have the past, the present and the future. That's when you realised that life is like a race track, before you participate in the race, you've already train and work hard. When you're in the race, your mind is already focus on the finish line. When you've completed the race, so has everyone. We're constantly 10 steps ahead about the future while the present has yet to complete its course. The next thing you know, the future has become present and the present has become the past. You never really live in the present; it feels more of a 'touch and go' phase. Like a paying toll. In the end, you realise everyone is after the same goal and honestly, it's pretty depressing to think about it.

But you know what's more depressing? We're never actually free. We're always, I mean - always tied to certain commitments and responsibilities, no matter how much freedom we think we would gain as we grow older. You leave high school, thinking freedom is awaiting you and then, you're clamped into a whole new system that is more complicated and demanding. Not saying that commitments and responsibilities are bad but honestly, there are some days when I get up and think, "I'm not going to do this anymore." It gets tiring sometimes knowing that you can only go so far and so much for something, only to realise the shackles around your ankles are just not long enough.

I apologised for this seemingly depressing post. Been through some rough days and have yet to fully recover. But yeah, I'm just tired.


Huda Merchant said...

I agree with what you say.

We're all fighting everyday battles. But thats what makes life worth living I guess.

Shufei said...

Well, that's what makes us human. But it's interesting to think about how we may obtain absolute freedom through having no investments at all...

I hope you get better soon. *hug*