I swear it seems I'm having a roller coaster ride of emotions. It's like PMS-ing between intervals. Probably it's due to the fact that A-level result is coming out this coming Monday. *cringes*
Okay. Stop that thought. What comes, comes. There's nothing else to do other than to accept whatever the grades are. I'M STILL FREAKING SCARED THOUGH :( :( :(
I'm scared about a lot of things.
I'm scared of snails and cockroaches. Or anything that has more than four legs.
I'm scared of heights but I love the thrill of roller coaster (love-hate relationship)
But what I'm really scared of is uncertainty.
Actually I'm not quite sure of whether I'm scared or having a hatred towards uncertainty, but the latter seems to be too certain for such a word. The future is not written, what I am about to write is not yet written as well (for you, it's the past already) but what happens when you completely have no directions at all? It seems scary at first, but soon, that fear changes to anxiety. You're contemplating if you should turn left or take a few steps forward. The obvious answer would be "go forth" but that's the problem, I'm not sure whether I'm facing the forth road or the back road. It's all foggy.
I guess one of the many reasons why some of us are scared of uncertainty is because we have this scenario in our heads of what our lives would be, the events that would take place. Unfortunately, we learn again and again that it doesn't work that way. The only time when we can control our lives would be when we can control time -- that I believe.
I agree though, it's all part of life itself. When you lose yourself, you'll find yourself. And when you find yourself, you know what you deserve.
Perhaps most of all, though, you deserve to be okay.
Nevertheless, whatever that we want or desire, I believe at the end of the day, we deserve the best. The best of the best. Not second best. You deserve the best because you are the best that you could possibly ever be. So I tell myself again and again, when I get my PMS-ing days and lock up in my room the whole day that I deserve it simply because I'm just not feeling good today; I'm not depressed. I can't always be happy and that's alright. It's not the end of the world. There's always tomorrow.
You deserve to be happy just existing and not constantly holding yourself up to a standard of fake smiles and forced cheerfulness. You deserve to not beat yourself up when you do not reach perfect acceptance of your body, your personality, the love you receive, or anything else that may come your way. Though you should know that you are worthy of these things, learning to be happy just in a kind of stasis with yourself is a long process, and you should know that we are all working on it. You deserve to live through all of your emotions, all of your states of motivation, and know that as long as you are treating everyone with kindness (including yourself), you have nothing to be ashamed of.
PS. This is to die for!!! D: