Saturday, August 11, 2012
Yeah, Yeah, It's Okay
Some days, I get moments of flashbacks, usually memories that I missed while others quite painful but always resurfaced because just like happy memories, those are when I felt most. Saying that, I was having a conversation with my best friend in the car about 'Forgive and Forget'.
I know that some of you would go FORGIVE BUT DON'T FORGET. Others, quite persistent ones would press to not forgive and never ever forget. I have a confession: no matter how mad I get, no matter how much I cry and get hurt along the process, no matter how I swear that I'll hate that person forever -- I end up forgiving silently and forgetting without realising. Some may say that I'm weak and fragile. It's alright, perhaps in your perspective I am such a person but to me, it's a burden that I would much let go off. Yes. I cried. It was horrible. But is anything going to change after that? Most of the time, no.
I had one major fight with my best friend once (not this best friend I had a conversation with. By the way, it's ex-best friend now) It was a big but simple fight. She was lying to me big time. It was cool at first but when she denied it over and over, let's just say I lost my top and that was the end of it. I moved away and next thing I know, when facebook was invented, she added me up. I thought "HOW DARE SHEEEEE!!!" but after a while, I realised that I was no longer mad at her. It has been so long that I've actually forgotten the fight. With that, I accepted her friend request. But we didn't talk. Not once. It's been few years now. And to be honest, it's alright. No hard feelings at all. I concluded that I was no longer mad at her. I have forgave her and forget about the whole bitter thing between us but -- the fact is, I didn't need her anymore.
Call me harsh but that's how I move on. That's how I cope with things, with people, with life. I find out what I need and what I don't need. There's no silent hatred or ill feeling but I just have nothing to say anymore. What we had is history and you can't change the past. Of course, it is painful to let go of things that meant so much to you but I learned that eventually, you will find out what's best for you. No matter how pretty or nice something may be, if it doesn't make you happy, if it makes you think "why am I still doing this?", can I suggest that it's time for you to let go.
Forgive all the stupid things that hurt you. Forgive that it didn't turn out the way you've wanted it to be. Forgive that it made you cry and hurt every ache of your soul. But most of all, forgive yourself. Forgive for being naive and blind. Forgive.
Then forget. And I don't mean for you to wake up one day and decide that you want to forget straight away. It takes time. Time heals all wounds. Don't force yourself. Just let it be and believe me, it works.
And when you do, you realise that you can actually live with something you thought you needed. It's all part of life, you get hit down, get up back. Cry a little, whine a little, scold yourself for being clumsy, then get up.
Look at this way, every fault and ache you go through will lead you closer to something you've always been dreaming of. Have faith.
'Til then, have a great weekend! :)