Friday, October 26, 2012
Sometimes I'll be sitting down in a room crowded with people and think, "what's wrong with me?" It's that stinging feeling I get, quite similar to finding a prick in your finger. The feeling of you don't belong there but yet, you are in there. I just get that feeling that I don't belong here. There are times when I feel like I'm the one who's normal and everyone else is just fragment of another universe. Lil' bit extreme, I guess but well, yeah.
It's like reading a book. They may say "Oh, it's a wonderful book. I like the plot." But I don't see it that way. I see parts of myself in there, the friends I made, the places I've been. When some had only graze on its cover, I went layers by layers until I wasn't sure which layer I was in anymore. I really didn't mind though, being in those layers. It was comforting. It kept me in company when I felt alone.
What I'm trying to say is, I feel most of the time that the people around me are standing few feet higher than me. Not literally, though. They get to see the sun, the sky and people around them while I get to see the dirts under the rocks, midnight stars and being alone. I did contemplate about taking a ladder and climb my way out or shouted just to be heard....but I decided against it. I did not want to be a prick in a finger anymore.
"All of a sudden I didn't fit in anywhere. Not at school, not at home....and every time I turned around, another person I'd known forever felt like a stranger to me. Even I felt like a stranger to me."
I swear, I swear, I swear it's so tough at times. I feel so left out. The desperation of meeting some mind that's similar to mine almost seems impossible. Perhaps I'm just being too hard on myself. But it's so hard when to tell people some things because you know they would not understand; not that these people are shallow or whatever, just that, I know they won't understand.
But I'm alright. Just finding my place, that's all.