Saturday, January 26, 2013

A Stranger's Letter

During car rides (sitting in the backseat), I like to lean over and rest my chin on the side door. My dad found it distracting, my mum found it childish; nonetheless, leaning against the side door was something I always do. You see, during car rides, I passed by a lot of things, ranging from other cars, houses, cats, trees and people and I always wondered how were they and the lives they were living.

I saw an old lady driving. She looked frail but otherwise still capable of driving, though her face seemed to be lacking of looked dull. Observing people in other cars can be quite intimidating especially if they catch your eye. However, this old lady was somewhat in a world of her own. I wondered: Where is her husband? Is he still alive? Does she any kids? Why is she driving alone? Is she meeting up with her friends or grandchildren? I wondered from the present to thinking how was her live back 30 years ago. Whether she was happier back then and what did she do for a living. I just had so many questions for this stranger whom I will never meet again. True enough, as soon as the traffic light turned green, our paths parted.

Sometimes I find myself feeling rude at the mere thought of invading others' privacy -- in my mind, it's not logical I know but I'm so fascinated by these sort of things, the ones that we usually overlooked, the ones that are usually quiet.

I was looking through some old photographs the other day and I noticed the countless of strangers that have been captured in the background throughout the years. They looked like background dancers or singers who were there to somehow beautify that moment -- it's hard to explain of what I felt about it. Again, I wondered how they were now and where they are. I hope they are still as happy as they were in those photos.

So now you know what goes through my mind every now and then. The reason I like to be quiet and just watch people. It's a nice feeling, really. I want to thank each and every one of you, a friend or a stranger, a car at the traffic light stop or the man at the grocery store, for making a part of my life. I hope you're all doing well, wherever you may be.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Mash Potatoes

1. I have this weird obsession in making the perfect notes. When I say obsession, I mean that I would write accordingly to the headings, sub-headings, underline, capitalise titles, red pen for certain words and black pen for the others. And I must, must do all these in handwriting. You've no idea how upset I'll get when my notes don't appear on par as to my liking.

2. Swedish House Mafia was awesome, though I swear within that 5 hours+ of standing and being squashed and mobbed by the crowd -- I thought I was going to die. Couldn't stop wincing every time I turned my neck the next day. Oh, and a couple was arguing beside me during the rave. Roughly 10-15 mins while waiting for SHM to appear. So you can imagine me standing shoulder to shoulder to them and trying to respect their privacy which clearly wasn't working.

3. Every time I come for Dr. Jeya's class, it always feels like the first day of class. For example, today was probably the 20th time he asked whether I'm of mixed parentage or from Beijing.

4. I love coffee more than I love water. Why do I always love things that will kill me in the end.

5. Okay, so Caely, Joelle, Shuf and Candee have all gotten at least one of John Green's books. DO YOU HOW UPSET I AM?! THE PAIN THE TEARS THE AGONY. So if you love me, truly love me, you'll get me John Green's books. (it's actually available in Borders and Kinokuniya from what I've heard but it's just that I'm never around those bookstores)

6. I really want to go on a Euro trip.

7. So my sister told my dad that I'm turning 20 years old soon, my dad's reaction? "20?! Oh you have to start paying rent now."

Monday, January 14, 2013

I Don't Know What To Put Here

I have this habit (sorta bad) in which I pick books to read according to my current mood. Currently reading Pride and Prejudice and it's killing me :S Nevertheless, enjoying it more than I enjoyed reading Jane Eyre. On certain days when I feel like I need a break, I indulged myself in my Perks of Being a Wallflower. Can never get over it. Ever.

Honestly when I first saw this, my heart stopped in track like....
Wait. You know what, maybe leave Westeros out.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Change Is Good But It Can Be Annoying Too

I've never really understood people who try to change others to become their own ideal person. It comes in any form of voluntary relationship: love and friends. It puzzles and plainly, annoys me as well. Why do you choose to be with someone and in turn, want to change them? Shouldn't you just accept them as they come when you first heard them talk, walk and look?

To be honest, I completely cannot form the logic sense of telling your boyfriend "stop smoking for me" or telling your girlfriend "you need to stop wearing short dresses" or telling anyone in particular who's close to you (and whom you choose to be with you) to stop doing something for you. I guess it's understandable to feel special, to wanting to know you're worth something but inevitably, you should know this: you hate smokers? Don't date one. Oh but you really like him/her? Then you two would have to compromise.

Okay don't get together with someone and then, complain on how they're not good enough for you or on how they can't do things right for you, especially complaining about their behaviours and habits. For all human beings' sake, if he likes to wear Crocs, then let him wear. If you fucking hate it to the point by the mere sight of Crocs you might possibly suffer cardiac arrest and die as a virgin, why the fuck do you keep going out with him? It's really annoying to be honest.

Of course I'm not denying that certain traits are bad but then, not everyone loves the same thing. What I'm trying to pin point out is, don't force someone to change for you. If they do change on their own will, then that's good. Otherwise, it would come off as you moulding that person into someone he/she you wish it was. Not exactly fair is it? It's nice when someone decides to change or let go of something important just for you but it's nicer when you stop giving a list of do's and dont's for them to make you satisfied.

I've seen it among my friends which particularly had me feeling quite sad. Love requires sacrifices, I agree though honestly, there's a line to be drawn between what's for you and what's for the other person. You shouldn't change for anyone. If you're an annoying, bickering, nagging bimbo  who loves to cry over every damn Nicholas Sparks books, then he needs to accept that every shitty annoying part of you.

Though every relationship requires compromises, same goes with friends. If your friend hates that bitch, don't hang around with that bitch when your friend is with you. But then if that bitch is really a bitch, don't bother.

Maybe I just have too much self-pride to ever do what someone wants me to do. Some call it stubborn (like my mum) and some may think I'm just being unreasonable *shrug* If you can't take me, it's not your fault really, I'm just unreachable.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013


I was quietly standing looking over where everyone was, being oblivious to everything around me. I could have stayed in my room, scroll on Tumblr and have a good strawberry tea but I figured it's a new year, why not leave the house and join others. It was filled with people, children shrieking at fireworks and grown ups were recording the fireworks.

I just stood there. As I had, exactly one year ago.

A year ago, I was more enthusiastic about New Year because I knew changes would happen. Good or bad? I didn't know but the possibility of either of it was enough to make me look forward to the year. Though just now I felt as though I was planted into the ground and faded between whatever was going on about me. I actually felt a bit depressed looking at people who were so excited, those faces that scream knowing 2013 is their year. Why the fuck did I go out again?

A new year means another 365 days. What's in it for us? We could only wait and find out. It was fast, you know. As much as 2012 wasn't that great for me, I couldn't help but feel hopeless at how fast time was flying by.

That's the thing about time. You think that nothing changes but when you look back, everything changed. The worst part about this is, I never felt the change. I'm still the same but different. Nothing has changed but something has changed. The yearn of a change that'll leave an impact on me, that will turn my world in 360 degrees....where is it? Perhaps I'm asking too much.

I really hope 2013 would be the year for me. The year that I will turn 20 years old. The year of freedom and escapism. The year that everything changes. I can fairly say that 2013 would be the year that will make or break me and truth to be told, I'm absolutely terrified. 

Anyway, Happy New Year on this rather depressing note. I hope 2013 would be good to you and be the year that you all deserve. I really do you know, I really do.