Tuesday, January 1, 2013


I was quietly standing looking over where everyone was, being oblivious to everything around me. I could have stayed in my room, scroll on Tumblr and have a good strawberry tea but I figured it's a new year, why not leave the house and join others. It was filled with people, children shrieking at fireworks and grown ups were recording the fireworks.

I just stood there. As I had, exactly one year ago.

A year ago, I was more enthusiastic about New Year because I knew changes would happen. Good or bad? I didn't know but the possibility of either of it was enough to make me look forward to the year. Though just now I felt as though I was planted into the ground and faded between whatever was going on about me. I actually felt a bit depressed looking at people who were so excited, those faces that scream knowing 2013 is their year. Why the fuck did I go out again?

A new year means another 365 days. What's in it for us? We could only wait and find out. It was fast, you know. As much as 2012 wasn't that great for me, I couldn't help but feel hopeless at how fast time was flying by.

That's the thing about time. You think that nothing changes but when you look back, everything changed. The worst part about this is, I never felt the change. I'm still the same but different. Nothing has changed but something has changed. The yearn of a change that'll leave an impact on me, that will turn my world in 360 degrees....where is it? Perhaps I'm asking too much.

I really hope 2013 would be the year for me. The year that I will turn 20 years old. The year of freedom and escapism. The year that everything changes. I can fairly say that 2013 would be the year that will make or break me and truth to be told, I'm absolutely terrified. 

Anyway, Happy New Year on this rather depressing note. I hope 2013 would be good to you and be the year that you all deserve. I really do you know, I really do.


Shufei said...

Strawberry tea. Shit, I need to try that.

Keep a jar of good little incidents that happen to you throughout this year, empty the jar and look through them when you're feeling discouraged. Remember there's always good to bad, that's how you know something's bad in the first place. :) Hope you're okay, hope you're well, and I wish you all the best of luck a person could possibly wish.

Qamarina said...

Thank you, Shuf :) I'll do that!