Tales of A Lunatic

All You Need Is Faith and Trust....and A Little Bit of Pixie Dust!

2012-02-17T18:06:00.009+08:00

The Perks of a Wallflower is such a GREAT book. "And in that moment, I swear we were infinite." Like some, before I read the book, I thought this quote quite was overrated but after reading the book, *hands down* to the greatest book quote I've read so far. So, thanks Jasmine for lending me to read! :)

Anyway, I read a rather interesting article in The Star today. This writer was talking about dreams and how many of us let our dreams die away along our journey in life. It's really good written and it made me thought how many of us had let our dreams died because we didn't chase after them hard enough.

Have you ever walked down the street and noticed some stranger and you wondered - who are they? Where are they heading to? Did they just cry? What are their dreams? To be honest, it's pretty surreal that the person right next to you could be on the brink of breaking down and you wouldn't have the slightest clue. When I look at my lecturers, sometimes I really wonder 'is this (teaching) their dream?' Not degrading the teaching profession at all but like I said, it could be the person next to you, in front of you, behind you -- and you would have not the slightest idea of their dreams, whether achieved or crushed.

But I really hope they achieved their dreams, whatever it may be.

Not long back, I nearly let my dream go. Looking back, I'm so glad I didn't. Really glad and thankful. I supposed I went through what most of us are doing: growing up. God, I hate growing up (most of the time). Suddenly, all that you've believe in for so long is being doubted; reality sets in, money and success become the issue.....It sucks so bad at times, especially when people have already set plans in your life.

So I'm not going to study the mainstream degree like medicine, law, accounting, engineering. I would probably never drive a Ferrari and live in a huge bungalow by the beach. In fact, maybe I'll be just the way I am now, typing and writing but fulfilling the dreams that I've always wanted. I want to write. I want to travel the world. I want to experience and discover new things. That being said, it's pretty shallow for people to stereotype and label what 'dreams' are really about.

I think dreams are the powerhouse within you that keeps a person living his life and just make life more interesting and meaningful. Dreams shouldn't be based on other people's perception nor should it be about what can you get in the future. Though I do agree that the world we live in is a pretty scary place but hey, you got to make sure your dream is bigger than your fear; it's how badly you want it.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. - Robert Frost

Still one of my favourite poems. Simple but strong.

P.S. Reading Dorian Gray now!

Oh My Sweet Valentine!

2012-02-13T19:04:00.002+08:00

Insincerity. That is probably the second thing I hate most after lies. Then again, insincerity and lies pretty much overlapped one another, don't you think so?

When someone talks to me insincerely, my blood just boils and it annoys the hell out of me. Probably it's because you can actually FEEL their words are insincere and you know the fact that they really don't mean a word they say. Most of the time, I catch myself just listening to whatever the other party has to say but I do nothing in retorting back. Maybe I want avoid any arguments from arising but I swear to the skin of my bones that I rather argue with someone sincerely, rather than listening to words that are full of crap.

It's disappointing, really when people are being insincere especially when the other person knows that you are being insincere. The least you can do for yourself and others is being truthful, no? Though I agree, this situation gets pretty sticky if it circles around family and friends and everyone is trying their best to compromise with each other for the sake of love and friendships. However, there is always a limit to certain things. I believe you should voice out if something really upsets you, even if it might hurt others. If someone truly loves you, then they would accept it, no matter how hard it maybe. Rather than keeping it inside and you have to be insincere every time when faced with the same issue.

Another thing I think why I'm all so touchy with this insincerity thing is because it also draws the line between those who really care for you and those who merely do just for the sake of it. Even with a large number of friends, there are only really few that you can sit down, talk to for hours and pour out everything inside -- those few are the sincere ones who genuinely care. They don't even have to say much, a word or so may do but somehow that feeling of sincerity radiates out of them. Sometimes, that's all someone needs.

Saying all that, I hope I'm sincere enough to those I care about.

Ohhh, Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Guess what? It's..........just another Tuesday to me for the past 19 years already :D Good Lord. But really, those out there who don't have any boyfriend or girlfriend or valentine to celebrate with, just chill. I'm not saying this cause I'm 'forever alone' as some of you might put it but let's just put it this way....

You're gonna be alone tomorrow on Valentine's and probably for the next 321 days. Or more.

Doesn't look any less lonely, does it?

I Want To Be a Wallflower

2012-02-10T19:36:00.005+08:00

So we did Lady Chatterley's Lover today in the book club. It was.....sensual and sort of depressing? The sad part is I didn't get to read the book (I only read the synopsis off the internet) because apparently, it's out of stock. Oh well :(

Anyway, last week we did a review on the book - Kite Runner. Yes, I did read this book (two times) and Shu Fei was the moderator. It's really an amazing book despite the many heart-wrenching moments that forced me to take a break from the book when I read it. Despite it being a fiction, I felt it was very real and that's one of the most important aspect of a book -- creating another world for its readers.

So here, we have Hassan and Amir who are literally two opposing characters. If you just glanced it through, you would probably think Hassan represents the 'good' and Amir represents the 'bad' kind of person. That's how we were during the discussion, we were telling how much we could not stand Amir because of what he did to Hassan when Miss Mel pointed out, "Well, don't you think we despised Amir so much because we are actually like him? Or perhaps would do the same things that he did?"

I thought, hell no. However, as I analysed it further, I realised that maybe.....I would have done some thing as Amir did. That oblivious thought scared me but did that made me a bad person? Or did it just showed how human beings are really like? Honestly, I am doubtful that any of us could have done at least of what Hassan did for Amir, even after finding out that Amir betrayed him. If I was in Hassan's position, I would have cried, cursed and cut all ties off with Amir.....but he didn't.

That was one part of the book I was baffled by and it was when Amir got the postcard that Hassan had written for him. There isn't a single ill-feeling word coming from Hassan and it sounded the outermost sincere letter, that he misses Amir and I was just asked myself, "Why?!" I really felt like bringing Hassan alive from the book and just asked him, "Why do you miss Amir? Why did you cover up for Amir when he betrayed you? Why are you so loyal to Amir? Just whyyyyy?"

Suddenly, in the midst of asking those questions (to Hassan), I caught myself being angry and frustrated. Then, it hit me. I was being like Amir. I was being angry and pissed off like Amir. I was being so because just like Amir, I know I would not have done the same thing if someone had done such terrible things to me. Just like Amir, which I think he realised that he wasn't mad at Hassan but at himself for knowing that he doesn't deserve the way Hassan is treating him. Just like me, I felt the same way as Amir did because maybe, I'm an Amir too (?). Perhaps the reason why most of us are mad at Amir because he was just as human as us and his mistakes are just as we might have done.

Miss Mel was right.

I find that pretty sad, sigh.

On a more saddening note, I can't find any Dorian Gray and Perks of Being a Wallflower ANYWHERE. Mother of all books, why :'(

Lights Will Guide You Home

2012-02-06T16:39:00.007+08:00

I can't help with the way my thoughts flow and it's really bothering me. I could be doing something else or at least trying to focus on one thing but my mind drags me down to another path. Sometimes I feel like I'm caught between two emotions and usually, the contrast between them is big (happy and sad). Is that even possible? Usually my tweets reflect my unusual bipolar self where I would be as jolly as fat kid eating his chocolate and solemn as a kid getting the blues. The weirdest part is, there isn't any particular event or thought that makes me feel the way I am. However, on certain occasions, I do catch myself wondering more about myself...from my inner-self to outer-self, from the past to present to future, from emotions to thoughts. It's like simultaneously, I'm taking a step both back and forth -- that I know. The only part is (most importantly) I don't know why, I'm still figuring it out.

No, I'm not an emo person. Heck, I'm just a human. Probably I express myself a little bit too much but I'm an extrovert; I believe letting it out is better than collecting it all inside. Although I do blame myself for over-thinking, for creating scenarios and problems that weren't there in the first place. However, can I blame myself for thinking too much, really? For because there are just too many maybes and hopes, and not enough black and white answers.

But I'm getting there, wherever 'there' is. Between juggling studies for A-levels, worrying about universities, getting fat, not getting enough sleep, tumblr-ing and blogging....(*pats own back* amazing how I'm still surviving), I will find my way through this black hole and be my own shining armour! (pretty content that I'll end up with cats)

"This too shall pass." I'm going to hold onto that phrase. If there's anything that I never lose in life, that would be faith.

PS. I just found out those numbers on a bread toaster are actually timers and not heat setters.

My childhood had been a lie.

And So Far I've Learned and Discovered...

2012-02-02T22:05:00.001+08:00

1. Happiness is a choice. You want to be happy, then be happy. Throw away things that don't make you happy.

2. Late night talks. Seriously the best way to let out everything you could possibly feel, especially to your best friends.

3. You can't tweet and study. Never.

4. Don't tell anyone everything you know, even the person you know best. I think it's good to keep just a little part to yourself, as long as it's not harming others.

5. I still can't stand vegetables.

6. Paulo Coelho is the best writer ever. The things that he write and the way his imaginations flow are beyond amazing.

7. Just because someone isn't there with you, doesn't mean that someone isn't there for you.

8. It's okay to look back at the past sometimes. It's okay to miss those certain things that you know are gone forever.

Que Sera, Sera

2012-01-27T14:05:00.003+08:00

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be. - Doris Day

That part of the song - Que Sera Sera has really got to be the best written lyrics ever. I don't mean it's the best because of the Spanish words but because, it's the truth. Whatever will be, will be; no point of worrying of things that I can't control. What matters is now, the present; not the future or the past.

Let's be frank. As we get older, we worry more about our future. What will I be when I grow up? Which university will I get into? Who is my soulmate? When will I get married? How many kids will I have? And more often, we are worried that we would not achieve things that we want and hope for. We end up with things or other dreams that were never our goals in the first place. In the end, disappointment sets in deeper than before but only because (this is what I believe) we have already controlled the future and have lost control of our present.

So what if the person you like doesn't like you back? It only means your Mr. Right isn't here yet. In the meantime, fish for more fishes *mischievous smile* So what if you end in a place that was far from your ideal place? Well, I believe wherever you end up at, that is the place where you're meant to be. So what if the future is bleak and you're near at wit's end? Stop worrying. The future is not for you to see. Live now and do what you can right now because there's a light at end of every tunnel.

Well, maybe I'm writing this post to advise myself because I'm that sort of person - who's constantly worrying about the future and have the habit of foreseeing things. It's not healthy, really. It's annoying, depressing and stressful. Due to this, I caught myself being sad and depressed for no apparent reason because while physically I am here, mentally I'm already in the future. It just doesn't work that way.

The other day, I caught myself scattered in my thoughts, worrying and being sad about certain things and all of a sudden, a voice appeared in my head and said, "Que Sera, Sera". Maybe my subconscious mind was trying to save me and I immediately went on google to search for it and I ended up hitting the replay button over and over again. I knew what the other half in me was trying to tell me.

I'll just have to take what life throws at me and stop worrying so much what else life is going to throw at me. Just need that faith when I wake up, it is better than yesterday.

If it's meant to be, it will be; because whatever will be, will be.

Oh Disappointments

2011-12-15T14:42:00.002+08:00

Lately, disappointments have been running into me; from people to things - including myself. You know that saying, "Expectations lead to disappointments", well, perhaps I expected too much. It's really quite easy to get lost in your head when the world is merely quite an illusion itself.

It's nice for a while, to create these 'expectations' in your head because just for a moment, your world feels like a wonderland. Everything seems to be going right for you until reality hits you, that is. Then you have to wake up from this wonderland of yours as reality throws its pieces back to you, inflicting the harsh truth that you tried so hard to run away from.

It sucks, really.

To realise whatever you've been hoping and expecting for will never happen, yet deep down there's still a faded hope that it will. That's why I love books. I love movies too but I really love books. I love how the moment I open it up and start reading, everything around me cease to exist. It's just me and the wonderland from the book. When I cry or laugh from what I read, it feels good. I feel like books understand me, in ways that even I could never possibly understand myself.

And I don't need to deal with disappointments in books. Sure, I get upset with some endings but when I close the book at the end of the day, I feel alright. Maybe it's because in reality, these disappointments can't be closed; they'll always be there - right in front of you. Dreams that had turned to dust and hopes that had turned into nothing.

Maybe someday, something or someone will show me that for once, these disappointments I'm facing now are worth something. I do hope that it won't be too long.

The Truth

2011-12-13T14:43:00.002+08:00

I'll never understand certain things in life.

Like why babies cry when they're born. Or why people say 'I'm fine' when they're not. I'll never understand how a person can lie for a living while some people are fighting to survive. I'll never understand whether the chicken or the egg comes first but then, does it matter? I'll never understand how some people can say they love you but end up doing all the things that says the complete opposite. I'll never understand why some girls are so into becoming a blondie with blue eyes when they're beautiful just the way they are. I'll never understand how some guys can hurt a girl so many times and still expects her to take him back. I'll never understand the notion of 'what's right for you' cause I honestly think most people are selfish nowadays. I'll never understand how can some people lead others on and just leave them hanging like it's just a sort of game. I'll never understand why do bad things happen to good people. I'll never understand why people end up leaving. I'll never understand hate. I'll never understand love. I'll never understand emotions, feeling and thoughts.

Truth is, I don't think I'll ever understand life.

These whole 'what I'll never understand' things may sound exaggerating to some but these are all the things I'll never understand -- and I don't mean in literal meanings. So maybe these are the things that aren't meant to be understood but even if there are answers to some, I still don't think I'll ever understand.

Off to Neverland!

2011-09-01T20:57:00.002+08:00

Wow, it's been nearly 2 months since I last blogged. Sorry about that. For the past few months, it's all about exams, exams, exams, study, study, study. I swear that A-levels is killin' me :'( However, I'm having 2 weeks of holidays now! So finally, a break for me :|

This whole new journey has made open my eyes more but definitely made me miss some things a lot. Back then, they said "SPM is the most important exam". All I can say now is "How wrong were they." I'm not saying SPM is not important, it is since we need that to enter college but right now, taking my A-levels. This is the most important exam now, not SPM. Honestly, I feel that most of us are so caught up with the 'prison education' that we only know to what we listened. Before this, it was all about SPM; now it's A-levels, SAM, CPU, Diploma, etc. This also proves that it's not the end once school life is over. We keep moving and keep having different 'importance' depending which land our feet drop.

College is fun, the course is challenging and the subjects I'm taking are mostly what I can do best - writing and memorising. This is supposed to be a bliss, right? But I always find myself looking back and wondering what did it all go? I hardly see my best friends, everyone is so stressed up with getting good grades to enter university that we barely even have time to catch our breath or stop for a break.

I often find myself drowning in my own world as I lie on my bed at night. I always think of Neverland and Peter Pan coming to my window and fairy dust to make me fly. The obsession of Peter Pan of mine is not to be questioned; I always love Peter Pan and I always will. Is it the fact that he never grows up? Perhaps a little. Though it's more to what Peter Pan really shows everyone: You need to believe. When Wendy's daughter - Jane said that she does not believe in fairies, Tinkerbell nearly died. So, without believing in something, there's no way it will ever be there. Throughout the years til she became older, Wendy never stopped believing in Peter Pan and that is something I admire most about her.

Also, the need for an adventure. I can't imagine myself being confined to a boring, dull routine. Though in the world we live in today, that's hardly an option. Not only that, every morning in every newspapers, there will be news on violence - so common that we don't even react to it anymore. That is why books are the perfect escape route. They create the perfect wonderland and magic that no other can do. The sad part is at the end, we have to close the book.

We can't always have what we want but in our dreams, we can always have what we want.

*Happy Eid Mubarak, everyone!*

Never Will, Never Would

2011-07-22T16:28:00.004+08:00

Finally, I am back to blogging after for so long. There are only 2 reasons: Time and Busy. When you combine both, it produces tiredness and stress. So it had me thinking of what I really want and what I really don't want. I don't want tiredness; I want carefree. I don't want to rush; I want more time.

I've been thinking and these are what I could get from myself:

What I Want

Flowers: They’re so pretty and nice to look at! I’ve always catch myself smiling looking at pretty flowers. Odd? I think so.

Chocolate: I’m one of those girls who choose chocolate over salad any day.

Storybooks: Now that Harry Potter has finally ended (sobs), I need a new fiction adventure to read on. I’ve already flew on broomsticks and been to Hogwarts…..wait, I don’t want Harry Potter to end! :’-(

Faith: I keep losing hope too easily. I need faith to keep my hopes and never let them go. In the world we’re living, I need both of them to live.

What I Don’t Want

Cockroaches: DIE YOU FUGLY ALIEN BEASTS

Parking: I can never park my car properly cause I can’t seem to get into the right parking line!

Cigarettes: Please. Stop smoking.

Vegetables: I don’t mind fruits.

Broken promises: Don’t promise, if you can’t keep it. Don’t promise because you feel you need to. Don’t.

Those things are unlikely to happen. "Whatever you want, you won't get. Whatever you don't want, you will get." But I guess there's always a reason why we end up with things we do not want, right? Here we go again......disappointment.

But last and not least,

shrug

2011-07-09T00:56:00.004+08:00

I feel worried.

I feel so tired.

I feel numb.

That's all I can say.

An Actress in Life

2011-07-01T15:49:00.005+08:00

Deny.

That’s one thing all of us are pretty much good at it. Or at least, I know I am. I’m talking about denying things, not lying about things. Those two words hold completely different meaning. When I lie, I’m keeping away the truth from others. When I deny, I’m hiding the truth away from myself.

Funny thing is I do realise that whenever it comes down to things that affects me emotionally, I will merely deny (silently) to myself. I come up with endless assumptions, logics and buts’, in attempt to avoid the truth that is written down in black and white in front of me. I keep asking myself ‘why do I keep doing this to myself?’ – the only thing that could come to my mind is: to comfort myself.

Some people find comfort in eating lots of food. I don’t, because I’m already quite fat. Some find comfort in crying themselves to sleep every night. I can’t, my ego won’t let me. Some find comfort in spilling out everything to others. I won’t, I prefer to keep things all to myself.

I know those are rather negative things to be thinking but that is how I am; that is how I view, accept, believe and deny things. When I deny things, usually those that are affecting me emotionally, I will always come out with scenarios that are opposite with it. Apply the logics into work and bait myself into believing the truth that was never there.

That is until today, something happened (a really minor thing) that trigger me to so badly that I eventually slept off for 3 good hours because I was just so tired. I don’t mean the literal meaning of tired by the way.

But I’m all better now.

Back to denying and hopefully, I don’t have to deny anymore.

Something Missing?

2011-06-23T01:04:00.003+08:00

I have this habit.

I am constantly searching for something - that I don't even know what it is. Sometimes it feels as though I'm trying to catch the wind but most of the time, I can feel it. This may sound quite like 'wtf is she trying to say here' but honestly, that's what I'm feeling most days.

I feel that something is missing. Whether that something is important or not, I can't exactly determine it. Is it a want or a need? I don't even know. But right to the core, I know that 'something' must be found. A person? An object? A vision? An inspiration? Oh God, this is making me so clueless.

Countless times, I come to a point where I lose my way and my head will filled so many thoughts - sometimes, no thoughts all. Is this a phrase that most 18 years old go through? I wish I knew. Everyone has their own battle with themselves, I just wish I knew what mine is. I find myself battling between my logic and my feelings.

Logic: Yes. No. Black. White.

Feelings: I don't know. Maybe. Should be. Pink. Blue. Orange.

If you get what I mean....

But maybe, there are just some things in life that are not meant to be searched.

Maybe, I just need to wait. And wait. (not too long, please)

Cravings

2011-06-13T22:56:00.004+08:00

We are always craving for something and most of the time; we don't even what we crave for. Are we craving for the mouth watering dessert? Or we craving for the holes in our hearts to be filled?

‘Cause I believe that no matter how much wealth, how much fame, how much things that we have; we're constantly craving for more. I used to crave for the ice-cream man on his motorbike to pass my house when I was a young kid. Now, that ice-cream man no longer passes by - I wonder what happened to him. So, my craving changed. I craved from ice-creams to chocolates; from teddy bears to earrings; from Barney to lipsticks; from colouring books to writing a blog.

Cravings change as times change, as people change, as things change. Little did we actually realise how all of these things change. It could’ve been for the best but there’ll always be a part of me wanting relive that time of what I craved most.

So what do I crave for now? Currently in 2011, I crave for chocolates, vintages, my blackberry, pretty headbands, lasagna, beaches and pretty, floral designs. These are so different from what I craved back in 10 years ago.

Time. What it does to us.

I think I might be craving for an ice-cream now.

Random Facts

2011-06-10T18:31:00.001+08:00

1. I think pretty boys are sexy ♥

2. British accents always get my knees wobbling *sigh*

3. I HATE CUCUMBERS.

4. Unless you were raised up in the UK, don’t use that fake accent on me. Fucking hate it.

5. I LOVE CHOCOLATES.

6. Bitchy boys are the worst. (only GIRLS can be that)

7. I’m a diehard Westlife fan.

8. I only write with black ink pens.

9. Obsess with FLORAL prints and design.

10. When I was 5, I used to think singers have only one song.

11. Girls with pretty, long legs are sexy.

12. I can never do maths. Ever.

13. I love History! :’)

14. I want to marry a guy who can cook. Like really cook.

15. If I could be an animal, I would be a horse.

16. I believe cockroaches should be extinct from this planet called Earth.

Invisible Box

2011-06-03T18:40:00.003+08:00

Past.

Not something I'm really fond of talking about. I regret some things, I miss some things but most of all, those pasts will forever remain as memories. I could cry twenty bucket of tears and pray 50 times everyday but there's nothing I could ever change.

I dislike the fact that when I'm alone in my room, all sorts of thoughts pass through my head and I can't control them. I usually make up of 'what could have been', 'what should have been', 'what happened' but like every time, I relive my favourite moments in my head. Replay, replay, replay.

Then again, there are those bitter & painful memories that will always bring tears to my eyes. Mostly, I miss the feelings that I used to have. There are times I would just give anything to relive those again because I have lost some of the feelings that made me so vulnerable.

Past memories are not something I deal with very well. I prefer to cover them up and just.....let them be where they supposed to be - memories. Kept in a box, in the back of my head. I don't open that box, it doesn't have a lock or a key; I pretend that the box isn't there but sometimes (like now) we all have to let it out once in a while.

Looking through the box, the truth is I still don't understand most of what happened. I hate the fact that most of what I get out from the box are memories that I wish would never stay. I want to vanish, burn, destroy and just never existed. The wounds that I had back then, I realised never really heal.

But it's all right. Time heals everything. I'm better than before. Getting better by the day.

Nothing can bring me down again.

Stars For Every Candle

2011-05-27T17:32:00.003+08:00

So, I've turned 18 :)

There wasn't any special celebration, no balloons or late night partying but - I had fun. A special thanks to all my friends who made it all better, for filling the day with endless laughter and sweetness. Friends - what would I do without them?

Anyway, I just thought of something I've heard quite some time back ( a really long time actually) and I thought it was a rather amusing yet logical statement.

Someone once said, "Why do people celebrate birthdays with such joyous? Don't they know they are step closer to death with each celebration?"

My first reaction literally was 'you gotta be kidding me right?' Okay, so maybe that person does have a point (wtf?) but to say such a pessimistic statement, it's just really shocking that there are people who think of birthdays that way. I wonder what their counter statement would be for a wedding.

I agree that there always 2 sides of everything; the bad and the good. Though at the end, one side always outweighs the other. It is also the way how we interpret things and from what view we're taking. For birthdays, to most of us and to me is the celebration of life. The celebration of 'I am thankful that I am still living. I love my life.'

It's pretty eerie that someone would say 'birthday is not a celebration. As each day passes, your death gets nearer. I don't understand why people celebrate birthdays'. I find it too extreme to go to a thought that far. If you can't even celebrate your own birthday, then what do you celebrate?

I believed those people either hate life or fear life. Fear of aging. Fear of death. Hate for happiness. Hate for celebrations. Pessimistic people, I would say and I really cannot stand pessimists - it's such a TURN OFF. As much as I can't stand them, I do pity them. In all they do, they will always doubt, will always worry and never be satisfied.

We don't know when, how or where we're going to die. So, honestly why bother worrying? When it comes, it comes because these things are meant to be. Worrying won't prevent it. Fearing won't stop it. Right now, at this moment, we are living. So take that chance, every second to celebrate it!

There's a reason to celebrate birthdays. Whether you're 7, 10, 18, 33, 52, 78, 90 yeard old....it's all about celebrating life. The day that you were born, is there really no happiness about it?

So to those who think birthdays are 'wrong' to celebrate, what are you actually living for?

The Soon-To-Be Journey.

2011-05-16T09:45:00.006+08:00

"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it." - Eat. Pray. Love. (2010)

It wasn't the best of the best movie I've seen but it was one of the movies that I would want to relive in my life. I'm not sure even why I'm posting this now but it just hit me last night.....on how badly I want to go on that life adventure. To enjoy life and take a closer look on everything around me, slower.

We all are pursuing the happiness of life, are we not? Some say that we don't have to go far in order to pursue it, it's right in front of us. I agree, to some extent. But honestly, here I am, living on Earth - there's ships and planes; I'm not just going to sit here and see til what my eyes can see.

I want to travel, up and down; high and low - seek and be amazed by every happiness I find in every part of the world. Your happiness might be different mine but it is still happiness, right?

I would want. I would love. I would die. To drop everything and travel the world......one day.

*my destinations*

ROME

FRANCE

GREECE

EGYPT

IRELAND

(and more and more and, everywhere!)

Until then, I will have my passport checked and an over-sized jeans ready :-)

To That Girl,

2011-05-08T10:48:00.003+08:00

You’re crazy.

You like classical music.

You’re short. Probably plump too.

You’re afraid of heights.

You can’t swim.

You think girls should wear sneakers more.

You feel that you don’t need a boyfriend.

You’re tall. Like a giraffe.

You have a pair of big feet.

You can’t sing well.

You can’t do splits or cartwheels.

You don’t have many best friends.

You think iPad 2 is just a thin piece of screen.

You prefer to stay at home during weekend nights.

You don’t have that silky smooth hair.

You can’t play any musical instrument.

You’re not good in Maths.

You’ve never been kissed.

You’ve never been asked out.

You always feel that you’re not good enough.

But you are good enough, for yourself. You’re talented, amazing and beautiful in your own way. You don’t have to define yourself to anybody. Nothing is wrong; things just take time to happen. Sometimes it takes a while; most of the time it happens unexpectedly. So look in the mirror and smile – can’t you see it?

The answer is right below here:

BitterSweet

2011-04-30T19:39:00.005+08:00

MAROON 5 CONCERT WAS AWESOME

fucking awesome.

And totally ten times better than Justin Bieber's concert. One thing I really like about Maroon 5 concert was that they, especially Adam Levine interacted a lot with the crowd. So it did not seem like a 5 men band playing on stage but a good 3,000 people rocking it out all together.

ADAM LEVINE, Y U SO HOT?!? MARRY ME, PLEASEEEEEEE!!!

Have you noticed that today is the last day of April? 4 months have just passed by and it is almost I did not get to catch any time of it. I have never been so desperate to pause time or just make time slow down....just for a while.

It makes me miss being a kid. I miss being a single digit years old. I miss being a little girl. I miss that innocent look I had. I miss the time when the only thing I knew were laughters and tears. I miss being a kid.

Why did I want to grow up so fast? What did I find so fascinating of being a grown up as a kid? Power? Freedom? Now that I am here, I feel like going back 10 years before and tell myself - "don't grow up so fast. Don't."

I miss playing all day.

I miss laughing over petty things.

I miss crying over a bump on my knee.

I miss being carried by my dad.

I miss being cuddled by mum.

I miss playing those role-play games with my sister.

I miss when none of use judged each other.

I miss when boys and girls were just the same.

I miss watching Disney movies every now and then.

I miss when I still believe in those fairytales.

I miss being a kid.

Being a kid is wonderful

I think I got that 'FEVER'

2011-04-23T10:20:00.004+08:00

I am not a Belieber. I do not hate him nor do I love him. I don't cry over him because he won't follow me on Twitter nor do I tear every picture of him to pieces. I am just not a Beliber lover or a hater.

But hell yeah, I went to his concert in Kuala Lumpur. I didn't think of going to his concert at all, mainly because I don't listen to his music and I'm not a fan of him. However, my sister wanted to go to his concert - badly. So my dad decided to buy the tickets and I had to follow her. I did not know what to expect at all.

We were there an hour earlier and the crowd was already screaming and shouting, "Bieber! Bieber! BIEBER!" I thought I would go mad because every time a part of the crowd screams, everyone would get up and stand on their chairs - and every time, it's a false alarm!

The DJ got everyone warmed up first by playing some hit party songs. The lights went out and everyone, literally - EVERYONE started jumping on the ground, on the chairs! With their hands in the air and singing to the chorus of every songs. The crowd's energy was magnifying and incredible! "I say 'Justin', you say 'Bieber'....Justin!" "BIEBEEEERRRRRR!!" For the record, I didn't join shouting his name because I really couldn't scream the way the girls around me screamed :|

After a 15 minutes countdown, JB appeared. Thecrowd went wild. WILD. Like WILD. I actually laughed because I thought it was rather funny at how the crowd reacted when JB appeared on stage. I clapped when he appeared (see, I'm not that bad).

Honestly speaking, his concert was amazing. It was incredible. I did not expect that he was capable of throwing and bringing such energy to a concert. I was shocked. I was, okay! He was good live, he could sing well - which I doubted before. So Justin, hats off for you as a performer and entertainer but I am still not in love you :P but I don't hate you.

OHH! Did I mention JOEL MADDEN made an appearance too?! He sang The Anthem and OHMYGOD, that part I SCREAMEEEDDDD! Good Charlotte is hereeee! Okay, one man only but heck! It's Joel Madden! And he appeared only at the JB's KL concert!I feel so blessed :") And man, Joel could sing so well. Love the voice and the tattoos (though they kinda scare me).

The crowd sang a long the nursery rhyme 'ABC' when a slide show of JB as a kid was being played and he was singing that. Talk about awkward moment.....I wonder if we were the first crowd to ever sing along to that! Hahahaha, it was so funny but everyone seemed to enjoy singing to it.

I had fun jumping and screaming along with the crowd. It was a true concert where nobody sat down and everyone stood up and sang along and screamed for more. Even some guys with their girlfriends did that. Though, some of them gave that look of 'what-the-hell-are-you-possesed' or something look. LOL.

At the end of the day, I am glad that I went to Justin Bieber's concert. He may not come again, I mean, who knows, right? I don't have his CD and I don't have his songs on my phone but if he throws a concert again in Malaysia, I am coming again. I will!

So, next concert is MAROON 5!!! HELL YEAH! Next Friday! :D I cannot wait!

Let's pray that it would be as good or better than Bieber's concert. Hehehe.

PS. I am a big fan of Maroon 5!

Listen.

2011-04-10T22:11:00.002+08:00

I didn't know it was possible to be in crowd yet still so alone. Worst part? This feeling always come out of the blue. Nothing happened. I'm perfectly fine, maybe happy or just alright but within a blink of an eye, I just come tumbling down.

I don't show it. I keep that smile and laugh on my face. I keep it until I don't even know when I'm pretending and when I'm real. Sounds depressing? Probably. The thing is the only way I can express myself without needing to cover is by writing. In words.

Books are my saviours. They keep me alive and comfort me when nobody else can. They are pages filled with words but for that period of time I'm reading, I can be in a whole different world. In a different place. Different clothes. Different hair. Different life.

You can't blame those who wish to have Edward Cullen as their guy, nor can you blame those who wish to be flying on broomsticks in Hogwarts. I want to live in Alice in Wonderland or Narnia. Amazing books, amazing stories - both fictions. Sometimes I want Peter Pan to appear at my window and take me to Neverland.

But that will never happen.

Sometimes I just need someone to listen, just listen. Don't judge me or think I'm crazy, just listen. I have always, as far as I can remember that I'm known as the 'smiley person', the 'happy go lucky' girl, the 'laughing' girl.....well, I guess I'm a pretty good actor. Showing the half side of me. Probably what most people would want to see only.

I thank God for giving us imagination. At least in a way, I still can escape, even just for a little while.

For now, at this sentence - I'm feeling better after writing it out.

"All alone! Whether you like it or not, alone is something you'll be quite a lot." - Dr. Seuss

When Photos Speak

2011-04-07T17:18:00.004+08:00

Photos. What do they mean to you? Memories. Happiness. Gratefulness. Sometimes, feelings that cannot be explained at all. It may sound silly but have you noticed all the photos that you have taken? I mean for yourself, personally and then, you compile those photos into albums. Have you noticed....how happy those little, plastic-like objects could be?

I can guarantee that none of the photos pictures something sad or somber. It's always filled with endless smiles, frozen laughs and warmth in every shot you take. That's the beauty of it - it is as though we could freeze time and capture that very moment forever. After a month, the photos will still be there. After 10 years, they will still be there, smiling as if nothing has changed.

To me, it's a way to savour every happiness we get and find in life. It's always easier to think and remember the sad and painful moments - which we clearly do not want to remember anymore than it is to relive those priceless and wonderful times. That's the reason why I feel that photography has been so important in this world. We are so afraid to lose happiness. We fear that we will forget the happiness we have.

Once in a while, open the photo album and look through every photos. Then, look at yourself in the mirror. What do you see? I see myself as the person I was back then. Probably younger, naive and carefree. To see myself in those photos, it is as though I'm watching my life story. No words, just images. No words, just feelings. You watch yourself grow up in every photo, what has changed and what has remained.

Sometimes it is not easy to look at some photos either. It could turn to tears instead, a frown. Sadness whelms up inside and before you know it, your heart would be crying out loud than your eyes could ever do. Though it is the sadness of missing something, someone. You miss those people around you, you miss that happy moment which you wished never end and simply because, you know no matter what you do, there is no way you can go back and relive that moment again.

Funny, isn't it? How we can freeze time but not relive it. How can we look at those faces in those photos and wish so badly that we can talk to them, and just say: "I miss you." What hurts the most is that it may be the only time you'll ever see some of those people again. You lose touch, they move away and all you left is a fragile memory holder in your hand.

We hang up photos in every angle of our houses. We placed wedding photos at the side of our beds. We sticked our friends photos in our books. Every time we walked past those photos, we have the urge to stop and just look at them for a while. Every morning when we wake up and look at our bed side, you can't help but think: "I made the best decision in my life." Anytime you feel down or broken, your friends are just smiles away, looking at you and you know what they would exactly say.

These photos give us strength. They give us meanings that we would only understand. They give us hope when all seem lost.

Photos hold so much memories for us. It reminds me sometimes of how lucky I am to be able to go through so many wonderful moments. Chances of reliving similar moments are slim - and maybe, I don't want to relive them anymore. Not because it hurts or anything but I guess they are right where they're supposed to be: memories.

Autumn Fantasy.

2011-03-22T22:24:00.003+08:00

This is how I want my life to be.

Wait and Waiting.

2011-03-12T00:53:00.003+08:00

If there is one word I hate more than any foul words an Oxford dictionary cannot describe, it would be the word: wait. It may seem like a plain and simple word, "I'll be waiting for you." or "Wait for me!" We all use that in our daily lives, using that word to try and keep up with others; using the word so we won't get left behind.

Wait is a strong word. Waiting is a deep word. It's funny how words like this seem so harmless but causes so aches and never ending tears. How many of you actually like it when someone says, "Yes, I know. Please wait." Of course for the first 2 minutes, you'll be alright, confident that whoever or whatever will turn up soon. After that, there comes your doubt, anxiety and confusion. How many you like it when you say, "I am waiting." You're waiting and waiting and waiting.....and waiting. When is it going to end?

There has been countless times that I am put in these situations but the waiting that I hate most is the 'silence waiting'. Nobody is telling me to wait, nor am I telling them to wait. But both sides or at least me, know that I am waiting. As I wait, a hole is dug deeper inside of me. It's not painful. It's not. It's just getting empty.

And what do I do in between waiting? Pray that it comes quick? Hope that the outcome would be as what I planned it would be? But what happens when I'm waiting and there's actually nothing to wait for anymore? Would I know? How would I know?

The thing about waiting is that it is never ending. It can go on for 5 minutes, 2 years, 10 years, 30 years and even, 'I don't know when it will end' time. As the waiting process goes on, we somehow lose track of time. We forget that time exist because we are so caught up in hoping to get what we have dream for so long. Some may say "Why wait? Take action. Do it." Easy to say, hard to do. There are just something that is not 1+1=2 but rather 0+2=2. Get it? Yes. Life is complicated like that. There is so many ways to get the number '2', just as there is so many possibilities of obstacles facing ahead of us.

What is really sad about waiting is that you'll never get healed because it is not scars that is formed but rather, a hole. A big, deep hole that is never filled. Scars could healed, slowly in time. But hole? Hole can't healed. It can't be filled in time. It just does not work that way. Most of the time, we forget that we're waiting. But when we're finally in our room, when the sound of our heartbeat is the only thing we could hear, that's when we realized over and over again, that we never stopped waiting.

Though I guess soon, we have to come in aware that not all things are worth waiting. Yes, it may be what we always wanted, what we always dreamed of. But if it's not meant to be, it is not. In life we have choices but destiny exists too. There is already a small plan for all of us. That is why Mr. and Mrs. Right came about, agree? We can wait that long because we believe that one day, we'll stop waiting and that is true. The only question is when we stop waiting, will it be a smile on our faces or will be tears and trying hard not to look back?

Pretty amazing how a common and inattentive word can bring so much meaning, stories out of it, no? But you know what's more amazing? The fact that I know what I'm talking about and I'm still waiting.

That's What I Said

2011-03-03T21:35:00.003+08:00

Time: Honestly, I don't even know if I'm living in time anymore. 24 hours in a day seems too short for me. If I didn't have to eat, shit and sleep; probably, more hours could be saved. I'm complaining like I'm the only one suffering. Hahaha. But yeah, I wish there was 48 hours in a day. At least, I can have a good 10 hours sleep and still have more time.

Homework: Shit. There's homework?

Friends: I couldn't ask for more. Friends from high school, we're still laughing at our inner jokes and talk like no days had passed. Friends in college, they are seriously the best yet I could have asked. There isn't a day there goes by that I won't laugh because of them. Thank you!

???: Sometimes I get the feeling I'm wrongly misunderstood. I may appear childish and a laughing machine most of the time but that's just who I am. If you can't keep up, I'm sorry. I can't change the way I am because I'm contently happy with myself.

Food: It would be so good if one day, someone would just surprise me with a bag of Famous Amos No Nut Chocolate Chips and just say, "This is for you."

Hand-phone: So I have to wait until my 18th birthday to get a new phone (which is in May). It's not the waiting that is getting at me but my SPM results :/ When it's out by end of the month and I did badly......

Just to relived 2010 again. For a while.

This is how I see life.

2011-02-25T20:51:00.003+08:00

I Regret.

2011-02-19T00:28:00.002+08:00

Have you ever had a sudden flashback of the past, out of the blue? About the things you did, the things you wished you have done and the things that changed everything. A sudden wave of mixed feelings gather up inside of you and all you could think is: "Why?"

Regret. How I hate this word.

Most of the time, I regretted the things that I didn't do. I regretted the times when I left my words unspoken. Sometimes I look back and wonder, what if I have done that back, what would have been different? But it all comes to back to assumptions of what could have been in so many possible ways...and it'll always be 'what could have been'. And, it sucks. Big time.

Maybe if I had the courage back then, things would be different now. Though I have to say, nothing has really changed either right now. I'm still holding back on some things now; words, feelings and thoughts. When I can't, I try my best to push those 'disturbances' away. The truth is I'm tying to run away from myself, to get away as far as possible. Pathetic, isn't it?

Then, there are things that I regretted doing. Back then, it may have seem the right thing to do or how I felt at that time but when I took a step back and view from where I am now, I can't believe what I have did. Everything starts to flow, coming to their pieces slowly - showing me how foolish I had been and definitely, how naive I was. Whenever I take a step and move forward, I can't help but wanting to go back and make it all better. Sigh. But I know I can't. What's done is done. There's so much a person can do but I guess, that's life.

I keep telling myself "I would not repeat this ever again". Guess what? I still do, until this very moment. I would say it, I would do it but there is always seems to be a bar right on top of me, that maximize how far I can go. Still, there are things that....I can just never ever say. Those little things that I keep a secret to myself only.

It comes to a point where sometimes I cry out of the blue, when the emotions get too over-whelming. But I'll be alright the next minute with laughters and smiles, because I realized life does not wait for you - and I want to live.

And so, I live with the regrets.

40 Extraordinary Things Happening Right Now

2011-02-06T20:02:00.003+08:00

Right Now, at this very moment...

A soldier of sorts is diligently fighting the fight so you don’t have to.
Someone who suffered from a severe injury last year is back on their feet.
A small group of people are building something that will soon make the impossible possible.
Somewhere on Earth a double rainbow is stretched from one end of the horizon to the other.
One of the next Billboard-chart-topping musical artists is patiently rehearsing in her garage.
A piece of literature is being written that will eventually change your perspective on life.
Young children all over the world are singing and dancing before they even realize there is anything that isn’t music.
A friend is helping a friend rise above thoughts of suicide.
Someone is thinking what you’re thinking, but hasn’t said anything yet either.
Two people in your hometown are falling in love.
Somewhere someone is admiring a breathtaking sunrise, and somewhere else a surreal sunset.
People of various religious backgrounds are in temples, churches, mosques and other places of worship praying, wholeheartedly, for world peace.
Someone who has struggled with their weight for the last several years is standing on a scale and smiling.
Hundreds of cute elderly couples are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
A baby girl just took her first few steps without falling.
Two best friends are laughing so hard they aren’t even making any noise.
A future world leader is in grade school at recess.
Someone is in the process of sincerely forgiving a seemingly unforgivable act.
There’s a kid studying hard somewhere who aspires to get to where you are in life.
A firefighter is running into a burning building to rescue a perfect stranger.
Someone in your vicinity genuinely wants to be your friend.
A young mom is lying in a hospital bed and holding her newborn baby twins for the very first time.
Someone is taking a shower and singing happily at the top of their lungs.
There is someone out there who smiles when they think of a specific moment they once shared with you.
An alcoholic just celebrated one full year of sobriety.
Volunteers in major cities all over the world are working at homeless shelters caring for those who are less fortunate than themselves.
A young man is pulled over on the side of the road helping a young woman change a flat tire.
A high school athlete just broke her own personal record.
Two teenagers just received their very first kiss ever from each other.
A husband and wife who were drowning in debt five years ago proudly hold a balance of zero on their credit cards.
Someone is hugging a friend who desperately needs it.
A new small business owner just wrapped up his first profitable year working for himself.
A grandfather is holding his granddaughter’s hand and they’re both smiling from ear to ear.
Someone just placed their spare change in the charity collection cup at the grocery store.
A small group of friends are sitting around a table sharing funny stories and cheerfully reminiscing about the good old days.
A breast cancer patient just found out her cancer is in complete remission.
Someone out there is missing you and looking forward to your next visit.
Honest people are working for various government entities to help protect your basic human rights and civil liberties.
An emergency room surgeon is in the middle of saving his patient’s life.
Someone is holding the door open for the person behind them.

Right now is a new beginning. Right now is an opportunity.

Do something extraordinary.

Isn't the world just amazing?

It's Just Us

2011-01-30T22:19:00.003+08:00

The truth is we try so hard to please other people because we want them to look at us and say 'She's nice!' It may sound pathetic but honestly, look at yourself in the mirror, eye to eye - is there really not one time you did not try to do or say something, just so that the person would actually feel good and smile. We may do it unconsciously at times but most of the times, our eyes flickered as our tongues turn to do as most would say: for the best.

Read those last 3 words in 5 seconds, you'll say: "Oh please."

Read those last 3 words to someone, you'll say: "Oh no."

We are often caught between the borders of what we want and what they want. Most of the time, people would brush it off by saying, "I don't give a fuck." but when it comes down to the people we care and love for, are you really going to say that? That is when we bow down to please them, put on a mask and act like we're the happiest people on the planet. But don't you agree in a way, this a good pleasure? Though some would criticized by saying we must stand up for what we want - it is our right.

Of course, it is our right - we stand up for what we want but what we want isn't always what they want and what they want isn't always what we want. Because of this, I think that is why we always end up quarrelling with them, with both sides yelling: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. Guess what? That's the answer. Nobody understands you, completely. There will always be that 1% of you people would never truly understand or find out.

And after all the aches and tears, as mad as we may be, we feel guilty too, don't we? So that's where all the 'pleasing' starts, to avoid such breaking aches again. We live for pleasure and in turn, pleasing. To me, it's a life cycle thing. Whether it's good or bad, it really has no stand. More bad? More good? That's entirely up to you.

It's just like lying. We do it all the time.

.

2011-01-29T16:06:00.003+08:00

When Life Throws Me Lemons

2011-01-21T23:38:00.004+08:00

Guess what?

I have been attending college for 3 days now (thank God for weekends!) and so far, it's pretty cool and nice.

People here are friendly and nice. My classmates are funny and enjoyable, which gives me hope that I can get used to this new life pretty soon.

First day of college was pretty suckish though but I finally made friends.

And I have works to do already, deadline - this coming Monday. @%$!*

As much as college life seems fun and people here are really nice, I honestly believe that none of these can ever top my school days when I wore uniforms and my high school friends. Sometimes when I sit in the class(college), I can't help but to really wish that my high school friends are my classmates again or the lecturer standing in front there would be one of my high school teacher. But I've learnt countless times that nothing ever stays the same, I'll just have to accept what is happening now and make the best of it.

In plain words, those who are still schooling, enjoy every moment in school, savour it. Because once school life is over, you'll do almost anything to relive it again.

I am hoping that something wonderful will happen this year. It has been a while since anything happened and I hope this time when it happens, it stays and I get to keep it. Experiences have taught me that I have to be patient and let things happen when least expected. There's no use to keep on chasing something because in the end, we let the best things passed right beside us.

I cheated on my FEARS ,

broke up with my DOUBTS ,

got engaged with FAITH ,

and now I'm marrying my Dreams.

Unspoken

2011-01-17T21:04:00.004+08:00

Have you ever just look at someone and wish you can tell them what's on your mind, but in the end, the only thing that comes out is "what I think it's the best to say"? There are so many unspoken thoughts and unspoken words, held back deep in my mind and tongue. But I guess most of the time, we have to put other people's feelings first before ours - because....we feel that is the right thing to do. No?

Maybe that's the reason why our minds are only readable to ourselves; the reason why some things are better left unsaid. So when is the right time to tell them? Is there even a right time or do we have to make the time right for ourselves? Should we tell them the blunt thoughts on our minds or should we tell them what we think is the best? Most of the time, we go on with our lives without telling any of those thoughts & words because we feel it is better that way.

Maybe it is.

Maybe it isn't.

I think all of us would have dare to tell what's on our mind, our thoughts and those tongue tied words to them if it isn't the fear of the people won't feel the same way, don't agree...or end up feeling hurt, rejected. It is because they mean that much to us, we care that much for them that we do not want to risk our thoughts & words with them. We want them to be just like the way they are with us now: happy.

In the end, as time passes by, we always, always look back and think "I wish I have done something." But the fact that we are caught in reality, living the life with so many possibilities, so many feelings and unexpected events; we end up changing the way we think and feel as we grow up. So we create the scenes in our head of "what would happen if I have done it". It is kind of pathetic when you think of it but admit it, we all do it. Every time.

So the question is, should we tell these unspoken thoughts and those words we held back so much? The truth is, I don't even know. Which is right? Haha, honestly, there's basically 'nothing is right and nothing is wrong' in this. To me, it's torn between 'what we want' and 'what is the best'.

And the thing is, we always choose what we think is the best.

TOO FAST

2011-01-11T19:47:00.004+08:00

Life is so unexpected. It drops things out of the sky and expect us to catch it. *DEEP BREATH*

I'm starting college next Tuesday, instead of March at Taylor's College. I'm doing my A-levels: Economics, English Literature & Sociology. Yeay! Finally, arts subject :) But it would be ten times harder than SPM...so I have to brace myself for the sudden, drastic change.

But at the same time, I am so not prepared or ready. A whole new environment, new classes, new people, new lecturers - "Where are the classes?!" "Wait! Where do I go?!!" Gahh, I don't like this but I guess I have to experience it. Be independent and not to be afraid to ask when I don't know something. Sighh. I really miss high school.

Taking a step back and looking at my life now, changes are happening, whether we realize it or not. Not to say we're being ignorant about it but more of, we can't do anything about it. When we were in school, we used to see each other everyday and still so many things to talk about as each day passes. We sit side by side and panicked every time when it's time to hand in our works ;)

Now, we're working. Going to college. Taking up driving lessons. Studying abroad. Being busy. Such is life. My mum bumped into her friend after losing in touch for 10 years! And it just seemed like yesterday when my mum & I last saw her. Ten years, and that's how life just snap right in front of you.

The next thing I know, it'll be June 2012 and I'm done with college. Next, university? I can't help but to laugh when I think of this, think of how far and fast I've came. How I grew up, still growing each day without realizing that times is passing really fast. 24 hours day ends up being half of what it is with sleeping taking that up.

Whatever it is, I believe in doing what you love and not because 'my parents say so' or 'that's the IT thing'. I may not have pockets fill with overflowing cash but I'll have that overflowing joy that no price can label it.

I wish you all a nice weekend!

Looking Back

2011-01-07T19:25:00.005+08:00

we always try to defy gravity.

defy things to stay the same.

Looking back, I would not know how to describe it. Funny? Happiness?

I don't know.

What if we could zoom into the future and see where we ended up, what happened later - maybe we could escape whatever painful memories that are buried clearly in our minds. We could see those who are truly there for us, we would know what's the better decision, we would know what to say, we would know what is bound to happen. But really, is because we don't want anything to change.

If I knew it will changed, into something that has become so foreign to me, then maybe I could avoid it. Life without aches, sadness, anger and disappointment is surely better, right? No tears, just laughter. No aches, just wonders.

So I keep on thinking about it. What if I could have avoid it. What if I was more careful. What if I was stronger. Would I still have these bitter memories?

The truth is, I'll never know. Life is filled with possibilities.

I'm closing that old chapter that I keep re-opening over and over because I keep looking back when life keeps moving forward and I'm always 2 steps behind. I'm sealing that chapter like I have sealed the others, so that, for once I can stop asking myself, 'What if?'

Looking back, I feel sad but I don't regret it.

In fact, I wish you all the very best.

Face Palm

2011-01-03T22:57:00.003+08:00

Working is not fun. Well, working with kids. Taking care of little kids is a LOT to handle.

Never ever been so exhausted ;/ and my friend & I are assigned to care for eight 3 years olds. Oh Lord, save us!

but I guess we never stop learning, do we?

Life after SPM is great, no school and no rules but I feel something's missing. Maybe I'm not used to the idea that school is officially over for me. Maybe I miss school. I miss talking in class. School sucks (duhh) but there are those little things that make it better. What's missing? I don't know. I've got 2 months before my college starts. Hopefully I'll find what I need. Cause right now, I don't feel complete.

*I'll start to blog proper topics again*

It's a New Year!

2010-12-31T21:35:00.002+08:00

It's been a great year. 2010 had taught and given us a lot.

There have been bittersweet memories that changed quite a lot of things, mainly ourselves.

But I wouldn't change any bit of it. I'm pretty much happy being the person I am now.

I'm looking forward for 2011. Start college and leave my school years as my golden days.

Can I cope with it? I'm not sure but that's what I said in 2010 and...I made it.

So, I hope that 2011 will be a better year for all of us and the world.

Less hate, more love. Less wars, more peace.

Happy New Year, everyone! Have a wonderful 2011 :)

Farewell

2010-12-29T20:08:00.003+08:00

An ending is near and a new beginning is about to begun. Like for every 365/366 days.

Same old routine but always with new hopes, new dreams and new desires. Best part, none of them usually meet our expectations. We end up disappointed and decide to have a new resolution again and again.

So all I ask for 2011 is just to be better than 2010.

In 2010, I have:

1. Meet and made new friends.

2. Fought and made ex-friend(s).

3. Went through real debates tournaments and finally won ;)

4. Grew closer with my girlfriends.

5. Learn not to fall for pretty words.

6. Understand that school life is fun, even though it's a pain in the ass.

I'm turning 18 soon. School is officially over for me. My siblings are going to start a new school year next Monday and I can't help but to feel left out. Sure, soon-to-be college life sounds great. I can drive, wear normal clothes, arrange my own schedule but I'll miss those moments when those guys in the back make stupid jokes whenever a 'specific' teacher passes by. Not to mention, the loud noises and shouts when the recesses bell rings. Or when I'll just sit at a few tables with my friends and start talking non-stop when the teacher is absent.

Dammit. I miss school.

But we all have to grow up and keep on moving. All my friends are heading to different colleges ;-( I know, we'll meet up whenever we can on weekends and shop and hang out. But it's going to be different. I won't have them beside me or behind me as usual in classes, where they'll whisper something in my ear and I'll laugh, ending up being called up by the teacher to repeat what she had just said. *face palm*

I can't wait for college. Start my A-levels. Meet new people and at the same time, keep my high school friends close to me. Time is such a cruel yet priceless thing.

So in 2011, I hope for a better year than 2010. I want to be happier. Wiser. More patient. More hardworking. I want to be better. I want 2011 to be a fun and wild journey, just like my 2010 had been for me. Just more fun and wilder!

thank you, for always being there for me ♥

keep on chasing, never ever stop.

Admit It

2010-12-25T15:39:00.002+08:00

JUST A RANDOM FEELING OF THE DAY. Nothing personal.

It sucks, doesn't it? When you care for someone and in the end, their reply is "I don't care." You care for some people because you care for them. You don't need to tell them that I care for you, they would know by the things you do. What's even horrible is that they won't tell you that they don't care for you, instead they simply shrug or chose to ignore. So, you give and you lose. You hurt and you bleed. You fall and you cry. You sit and you hope.

And you rot.

Look, if they don't care for you, what makes you think that they'll come and search for you in the dark? If you can care that much for people, you can care at least some for yourself. Stand up and walk again. Don't lose hope but be more wise. Learn and grow. The pain won't really go away, you would get over it but once in a while, you get flashbacks and your heart drops a little. But hey, that happens, right? At least, you know you DID truly care for those people.

Yes, it hurts to see when they care for other people and not you. It makes you feel unworthy and pathetic. You feel stupid when you think back of all the things you have done but nothing in the past will ever change. Put it this way: You FELT unworthy and pathetic. You FELT stupid when you think back of all things you HAD done. Now, you live your life, caring for the right people who in turn have been around you all along.

Don't stop caring, don't be afraid to care. You're hurt once but you'll live through it.

Merry Christmas, everyone! xoxo

Don't Regret, Don't Stop

2010-12-16T22:38:00.003+08:00

Dear Santa, all I want for Chrismtas is

to have a good & wonderful 2011.

I don't celebrate Christmas as big as I celebrate other festivals. Financially, I shop a lot...well, I WANT to shop a lot since Christmas sales are on right now at every big shopping malls. My heart bled when I couldn't buy that floral print dress from ZARA. Gosh, I can't wait to start working part time next month(even though I'm sure I'll hate working) but at least, I can earn my own money and shop.

I'm a shopaholic.

2010 is coming to an end. I still can't believe I have finished my school life already. Looking back at my old posts, back when I was still a school girl, brings tears of both joy and sadness. It's a mix up feeling. I'm not sure if I quite like it but I guess there is just some things are left in the grey area for us. But...I did it :) when I clearly thought I could die by going through it.

In each year that passes, we make more and more mistakes. Because as we grow, we learn new things and broaden our perspective of life. Right now, it's the time for my friends and I to make critical decisions in our lives.

The most frequently asked question: "What do you want to do?"

ARGH. I don't know! I mean, yes, of course I have some visions of me in the future. I love writing and books but that doesn't mean I will end up becoming a writer. I could end up being a professor in some university. This is life. There is so many possibilities. Honestly, I believe that no matter how much we planned or how long we planned, there will always be a little twist in everything. We just got to accept it.

People are afraid to make mistakes. They are afraid that what they decide now will affect them greatly later in life. I got those "are you sure you want to do that" remarks when I say I want to do Arts for A-levels. *SIGH*

Firstly, I am sure. If not, I won't be saying 'I want'.

Secondly, if everybody is taking Science, what's going to happen to the Arts? Just because it doesn't involve needles and chemicals, doesn't make it any less cooler or lame. Arts, Language, Literature are what keeps the world a happier, more peaceful and colourful place to live in.

Thirdly, do what you love. I'm doing what I love and THAT is right.

It may seem scary to choose but in the end, we all have to decide. It's better for you to decide for your ourselves than letting others to. Nobody knows what you want like you do. I believe this is the time for us to make mistakes. So what if what you decide now doesn't seem to be like what you had wanted? We can't always have things to our ways only, it just doesn't work like that. I think in a way, it teaches us to be patient and not to take things too seriously at times.

When we make mistakes, we learn from it without knowing. It hurts, it sucks but you have to go through it every phases of life. Okay. So maybe, it's never what you really wanted but you will end up in the right place that is meant for you, eventually. What take the highway when you can take those long, curvy roads? I rather take my life slowly with full of surprises than taking it fast, with everything planned out working the way it is...and not fully appreciating everything I see.

Life is an extraordinary book. It's book with no beginning and no endings. It just keeps on going and going. So, good grades and a good job is just a small part of life. We have to change our perspective of life, don't look at it as an academic, we have to make mistakes and just enjoy life.

Don't stop at a place for too long. Keep on moving with the world.

Aches

2010-12-13T15:23:00.002+08:00

The world is such a big place for us to live in. Too many possibilities, too many what-if's.

I wish I could just flashback and relive those moments I have long missed. Those times when everything seemed right, when laughter and long talks were the only things we do.

If time machine exists, I would turn back time and be a little girl again. Right now, I didn't know why back then, I wanted to grow up so fast. I thought being a woman would be fun. Now, looking at little kids, I wonder if they are thinking the way I did when I was their age.

Sharanya, Ina, Alliya, Divya and Sze Yan; school's over and we're going to different paths. I hope nothing between us change. Let's grow up together and no matter how far we may be, we have to meet up and be school girls all over again.

Sometimes I just pause and think "what happened?" Maybe we just outgrow sometimes, or need something new. But I guess there'll always be somethings in life that I'll never ever find out. Maybe some thing are better left unsaid.

Chocolate is the universal food. Amin.

Things change, people change. Cry for a day and get over it. The world won't stop spinning for you. So the best you can do is hope for the best to come and be strong.

"Make the clock reverse. Bring back what once was mine."

"My dearest Cinderella, I'm the luckiest prince to be marrying you."

Don't frown, you never know might be falling for your smile.

RELIEF

2010-12-08T17:36:00.004+08:00

OMG. OMG. I thought this day would never come...but it did!

SPM IS FREAKING OVER!

Well, I still one last subject to take next Wednesday but that is really not an important one - I don't have to study it :) 9 freaking subjects I've taken. I have sat for 21 freaking papers - and I SURVIVED! I kinda may sound like I'm overreacting but SPM is like the peak point for every student's life and for me, to have finally get over it after 17 years - it's just PURE RELIEF.

Yeayy! Now I can take my license (driveeee), no more school uniform, no more daily assembly. I'm going to miss school though :( Miss sitting together and fooling around with my classmates. We really grew up together despite not being related together. I'm looking forward to college but after 11 years of being in school, I think nothing can ever beat school.

There's so much to do, so much to expect and so much to experience.

And 2010 is coming to an end.

Time flies too fast sometimes. I still remember the first day I stepped into secondary school, hahaha, OMG - I was naive! I think we all were once, then we grew up and think back, "WHAT THE HELL MAN?!"

2010 has been a fairly good year :) Had one of the best experience in my life and definitely, the year I'm going to keep looking back. One day we're all together, the next day we're off in separate ways pursuing our dreams. I don't think we'll lose touch - Facebook is here to connect us but of course, things would change but I hope it's all for the better.

Gonna grab my KFC now, super duper hungry.

♚

2010-11-13T14:33:00.003+08:00

I was so bored, I decorated my calculator :s

Horribly shitty -.- I need a HAIRCUT BADLY!

after SPM :/

A few more days and I'll be an alumni of SMK Bukit Jelutong!

How cool is that :B HAHA!

School life is coming to an end in a few days time. But exams is starting soon and we still have to go to school to sit for the papers but no in the same class with our classmates anymore :s I tell you - I bet I'll be seated in the HUGE exam hall and I hate it! Lucky for those who get seated in classes instead, it feels better to sit for exams in classes rather than BIG hall; it scares me :/

I am going to do and give my very best! Oh God, I can't wait for this freaking SPM to be over with! I'm super worried for SPM and pretty sad that school life will be over, but I'm glad that, FINALLY, it's going to be a closed chapter :-}

I shall be taking a long vacation from blogging now. I will be back on the 8th December - a week break before the LAST paper which is on the 15th December. Wish me lots of luck, aite?! I REALLY NEED IT!

Thank you, my blogging buddies who wished me luck for my SPM :') I really appreciate it.

GOODBYE....for now! ☺

✩

2010-11-06T00:06:00.004+08:00

A very Happy Deepavali/Diwali

to all who are celebrating!

I went to my friend's open house today and it was awesome! Food was amazing, Friends were amazing - I just love traditional celebrations, don't you? Next stop is Chinese New Year! Early next February, can't wait :B

17 days to go before SPM. Seriously, fuck man. No kidding. 10 subjects, more than 20 papers to sit; oh Lord, save me ;-( But at the same time, I can't wait for it to be done with! After 17 good long years, I can finally enter college and see part of the real world.

Sorry if I'm not replying your mails, I really don't have the time to re-read through it and type out my long and truthful reply. My blog posts are getting shorter and more random but that's because I really don't have the energy and time to think out what to write anymore - at this time. After SPM which ends on 15th December, I'll be on good tracks again :-) Promise.

GRADUATION!

5 Beta 2010 <3

Deepavali :-)

they are the best things that's even been mine ♥

Goodbye? Not Just Yet.

2010-10-29T12:00:00.003+08:00

24 more days,

and this uniform will only be a memory,

and ponytails won't be compulsory.

24 more days. OMG :| I am so not ready, I am not kidding you. I know, I've been saying this for like the past posts but I can't help it! Counting down the days, I am glad that once and for all, it's going to be closed chapter and I can begin a new journey...but at the same time, I'm worried, scared and sad.

Pfffftt. I'm talking as though I'm the only one who's feeling like this.

But I can't stop these roller coaster feelings! One minute, I'm alright; next minute, I'm stressed out and on the edge of breaking down. Usually it happens when I'm doing Add Maths. Damn you, Add Maths. Damn you, Science subjects. After SPM, that will be the LAST time I'll ever study and sit for you. I shall take Arts subjects - not drawing (I can't draw) but English Literature/Journalism/Creative Writing in college. Period.

"So what college are you going to?"

"....I don't know!"

Taylors, I suppose? But really, that's not confirmed at all. I will be going down there in Subang with my parents on its Open Day. Mum said NO to Diploma, it's risky and will do me no good. I have no objections for as long as I can get into college and graduate with a Degree - or better, Masters :D

"What are you going to take?"

".....I don't know!"

Most obvious one now is A-levels or maybe, Canadian Pre-U - but nothing's confirmed either. Need to do more research and see which is the best. A-levels is HARD but if you score well, it'll do you BLOODY GOOD. Maximum 4 subjects....it may sound little but the percentage of people scoring all A's for A-levels is as thin as a paper. YEAH :/

“A friend is a hand that is always holding yours, no matter how close or far apart you may be. A friend is someone who is always there and will always, always care. A friend is a feeling of forever in the heart.”

Everything Has Its Ending

2010-10-24T22:01:00.002+08:00

This is it.

Graduation Day is on 3rd November.

OMG. OMG. OMG.

I can't believe it, I'm graduating soon. So fast.

Okay. Well, we are graduating earlier but we still have to sit for our SPM which falls on 23rd November :/ Graduations are held earlier almost at every single school here because our exams finish differently according to the subjects we take and we are taking our SPM during the long, national school holidays.

Still. OHMYGOD. Hahaha, I still can't believe it myself. Graduation. It's going to be held at Dewan Jalan Adang - where the heck is there? And we(girls) have to wear baju kurung and kasut bertumit tinggi tutup. Are you freaking kidding me? I don't mind baju kurung, let's all go baju kurun crazy fan girls on that day but CLOSED TOES HIGH HEELS? Pffft. Whatever. Like they're gonna check how pretty my toes are.

ONE MORE MONTH TO GO. Well, 29 days.

Lord, save me :"-(

There's so many things going on right now, besides studies. You know one of those few things that you, yourself only understand because it is you, yourself going through it? Yeah, I'm going through one of that. I wish it was just black & white, you know? Right now, I'm left without answers and I'm...confused.

Should I search for the answer? Wait for it? Maybe it would appear unexpectedly when I least expect for it? HOW. I hate this. I hate not knowing how to do, what to do; it makes me feel hopeless. And Hope is what I really need right now. But I'm doing my best, pushing that aside as much as I try to and focus what lies ahead: SPM.

Straight A's? Honestly, no. I'm not a pessimist but me getting straight A's would be a WTF situation. Guess I'm never or never was the academic scorer kid in school. Oh well, I'll find my 'Ace' field once I enter college :) Hopefully in writing - Journalism, Creative Writing...nothing's decided. Right now, I'm trying my best to score good grades for SPM but of course, I want lots of A's! (Oh God, pleaseeeeeeeee, I don't want anything below B-!!)

"When we look back in 20 years time, we'll still be laughing like we used to and still get all those inner jokes like it was just yesterday."

Some of us won't be seeing each other after this but I'm pretty sure, none of us will ever forget each other. I'm hoping to keep my good friends as tight as now and we can all grow old together :-)

That sounds like a plan. A good, long way plan I will(God willing) achieve.

❥

2010-10-21T18:50:00.002+08:00

My friend told me to listen to this and I love it :-} Not a huge fan of Taylor Swift but have to admit, she writes really good! Now, I love zis song!

♥ Someday, I’ll be, living in a big old city,
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean.
Someday, I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me,
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean.
Why you gotta be so mean? ♥

Drowning In Myself

2010-10-11T22:52:00.003+08:00

"You can do this!" "You have to do this!" "Nothing is impossible!"

Oh yeah? I doubt what cross your mind everyday.

Expectations. We all have expectations for ourselves, let it be for studies, work, jobs - we all have the bar set up high and say 'I'm gonna reach that bar'. As we climb up to reach that bar, we go through many types of obstacles that make a foot high bar feeling like eternity. But that's what it's all about, right? Not about how fast you reach the top but what you've been through to reach the top.

Right now, I feel so hopeless. Like a failure. 38 more days and I'm still struggling.

I expect myself to do better, to obtain a REALLY GOOD result for SPM but now...I don't know. My expectation is killing me but it's what that keeps me going. Other people's expectations like parents and teachers - how am I ever going to reach that?

38 more days.

I know I shouldn't hear what others have to say but they are right. I feel so burdened by these expectations, even burdening myself with my own expectation.

38 more days.

Can I do it? I really am not sure. All I want is to curl in my bed and cure this daily basis headache from my lacking of sleep. I worry too much, though I can't help it in moments like this when everything seem to be falling off the sky.

38 more days.

❒ Single ❒ Taken ❒ Lesbian ✔ In a contract relationship with SPM til it's over.

I need more discipline. I need some luck. I need lots of never ending work. I need HOPE right now.

You Make Me Happy :")

2010-10-08T12:21:00.004+08:00

HEY YOU! :-)

Trial is finally over but I feel anything but glad and relieved.

SPM is on the 23rd of November so you can imagine how my mind is feeding up right. Trial just ended yesterday so I'm giving my brain a break today. Most probably I'll have 'late night dates' with my books tonight. I've been worrying so much lately that I keep having migraines for a week straight.

Panadol became my second food after coffee to keep calm and awake. Migraine is really horrible, it's like knives jabbing from inside of your head.

One of the few things I learn from trial is: 1) Last minute studying is BULLCRAP. 2) Never ever panic when sitting for an exam.

46 more days...I cannot wait for SPM to be over with. SERIOUSLY. If it was not for SPM, I would have actually enjoy my last year of school. I can't even remember any day during Form 5 when I not think about SPM.

Don't you feel thankful and bless that there are people around you who makes you happy? I really don't know what I'll do without them. It doesn't have to be those big gifts. They could just be sitting next to me or miles away, talking to me and it's more than I could ask for.

I love those people especially who actually listens to you. It makes me feel like I'm worth 2 ears to listen and a heart to understand. Okay, maybe I just like talking to people a lot. I can't help it. It depends. I can be the talker at one point and the silencer, the very next minute.

Hmm, I'm going to miss my classmates a lot after school is over :"( Even though some of them can be a real pain in the ass. Through all the bitter moments that left us estranged towards each other and hatred thrown, we still sit together in class and have those inner jokes that only us, classmates would understand.

I have a confession: Sometimes I would to people's formspring as anonymous and type - "You're so pretty!" or "You are beautiful, you know that?"

Because 98% of the formspring's comments or questions are just plain horrible and acidic. What's with all the foul languages in one sentence just because that person happened to be pretty? Happened to date your ex?

Honestly, GET A LIFE. Don't be so bitter. I write those comments because I know anyone who reads that will feel happy themselves and not think the whole world is against them. You have nothing nice to say, don't say especially through online. You have a problem, solve it face to face CALMLY. Don't start throwing chairs and your tantrums. I hate these people.

"Life can be so randomly beautiful." -

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

:/

2010-10-03T01:30:00.002+08:00

I can't blog about anything right now.

BUMMER :(

2010-09-19T00:59:00.002+08:00

I am so sorry for being able to comment back or read your blogs lately. Life has been SO BUSY for me lately. Trial starts next Wednesday (OMFG) like 'shitta shit shoot'. Trial is harder than SPM, believe it or not. Seriously so that's why I'm like freaking out but not hoping too much for my grades this time.

But I want to get all A's & B's (I'm not smart) above! If I get all 10 A+ for my SPM, the government would give me a scholarship straight away :O

*Pffft* Like that's gonna happen to me. I'm not being negative and stuff but I know where I stand. I'm not stupid but I'm not smart either. It's true, academic wise. 10 A+ are like grades that the smartest of the smartest can get. I'm not excellent in Science and Maths...those that really crack your brain. Nope, not all.

I'm an Arts girl caught in Science stream. Just my luck.

But I just can't wait for all these to be over, you know. Trial, SPM & school. 4 more months...then school is over me. 4 MORE MONTHS. Oh God. And SPM is like in November, mid november :/ Somebody shoot me already. I want it to be over like NOW!

Time seems so fast and slow at the same time, this year. I can't quite put my hands to it but yeah, that's how it feels like now. I wouldn't say 2010 is my favourite year but it's one of the years I'll never ever forget :) I met a lot of new people this year and got to know some people whom I know but never close with - and it's so nice, really. I keep thinking about how will we all go from here.

Sure, I hope some things remain unchanged but the future is always changing. So just let it be, don't control it and don't hope too high.

Twist in Life

2010-09-11T22:12:00.005+08:00

open house :)

Aunt & Sis.

grandparents <3

HAPPY EID MUBARAK!

There's been quite a lot of things going on lately. No, nothing serious or drastic. Just...life, you know. Eid Mubarak was fun, though not as fun as I celebrated in the city this year. Usually we'll go back to my grandpa's hometown but this year, we didn't. Sigh :(

Speaking of life, I didn't realize that I was holding on and hoping that things would remain the same forever. Sub-consciously, I think all of us are scared of changes at the beginning. We begin to question 'Why', 'How' and 'What' but the truth is, there's really no honest answers. Just answers we create to comfort ourselves.

Sometimes I sit back and keep on asking myself - "Where did it all go wrong?" I spent loads of time, mentally thinking about it that at one point, I felt depressed. Haha, I think too much, that's the problem. But soon I realized "Nothing went wrong. Things just...changed."

Okay, here's an analogy. Imagine 2 people are walking on one straight road and they reached a junction; a left turn and a right turn. This guy feels like he has to take the right turn and the other thinks that he has to take the left turn. And so, they cross each other and took their own turns. At the end, there's no good reason why they took those turns, same applies to changes. It just happened.

'People change. Hearts move on.' At one point, you felt that it was heading this way; then all of a sudden, you get lost in the woods, trying to find your way out. At once, we start to panic - human nature :) But the truth is, we shouldn't panic cause we're lost. The thing is: we are never really lost. We just think we are.

That's what happened to me. I thought I was lost. I keep looking for a way out, back to where I last came from. But you know as they say 'keep moving forward'. It was hard at first, it was hard to accept and grasp it but I've come to my sense. My mind still wanders and think about it but as for my feelings and heart, they've moved on, slowly but greatly.

We are all scared of the changing and growing process. We're not sure where we're heading, what's to come and why is this happening to me situations...The key to this whole thing is just to accept it as the way it is. Don't fight or deny it but just say 'I'll work this out'. I may be not some 60 years old philosopher but I know at this point, that's a fact we all have to accept to get our lives going.

You know what I CANNOT wait for now? SPM to be over done with. Like shit over.

I have to really start studying now. I don't want to regret later. Cause then, I'll have no one to blame but myself.

Life's a beach, I'm just playing in the sand ;)

Last Day of Fasting :)

2010-09-09T16:19:00.002+08:00

HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI

IS TOMORROW!

ohh, all the food and money $$$

That's in Malaysian version :)

but also known as Eid Mubarak.

There's been a lot of dispute over Islam and now,

'Burn a Quran Day' on this Saturday :/

I just want to say that,

Don't let these minority people make you hate Islam and Muslims.

If there's anyone whose at fault, it's those who did wrong.

Not Islam, not every Muslims, not me.

No religion teaches their people to do bad things.

No religion is evil. No bloody such thing.

I'll post some pictures after I'm done celebrating with all my family and friends, aite?

Til then, take care! xoxo

Dreams - Gone, Kept, Wasted

2010-09-06T00:44:00.003+08:00

You know what's make us, humans so wasted?

Besides the fact we waste food, money and whatsoever.

Dreams are wasted, more than any of us could ever imagined.

Loss of hope, faith and trust - one dream after another, they all come crushing down.

We throw away those wasted, 'never became' dreams aside,

letting them pile up and rot in the attic.

But maybe, if we have worked harder to achieve them.

Maybe if we had set our priorities straight,

if we put effort in those dreams, we could've made them real.

Don't you think it's sad? Dreams are being wasted.

Because it's wasting yourself. There must be a reason why those were your dreams.

Because it makes you smile. It makes you happy.

Because that's all you really ever ask for.

The thing about us is that we dream only because we believe,

it can never happen.

Every night, we lie in our beds, everything passing through our minds;

we dream of those things we believe we could never have.

We sigh and smile in our sleeps because it felt real enough

but never good enough.

When we wake up and realized that it's all over,

we tell ourselves, 'I'll dream about it tonight.'

True enough, we're creating 2 dimensions of ourselves;

the world that we walk on and the place where we dream to live.

Dreams. Our most wasted trash.

But not everything works on a shooting star, right?

Dear Juliet

2010-09-04T20:17:00.001+08:00

Baby Dumping

2010-08-30T20:58:00.003+08:00

What would you do if you managed

to catch these people doing this?

Baby dumping are on the rise in Malaysia, seriously! Like flooding. Just last night, my friend was passing by at a place and she saw policemen surrounded something on a ground. It was BABY! Someone DUMPED a baby like he or she was just some trash. Even Barbie dolls are being treated better.

We were all so DISGUSTED and felt so ANGRY when we heard that. Who in the right mind would such a horrible, hideous act?

Mostly are these teens or college students, they have unprotected sex and when the girl finds out she's pregnant...BIG PROBLEM. Abortion is illegal in Malaysia unless it involves the safety of the mother and the unborn child. Some of them would go for abortions but some would just have their babies and...throw them away. Like WTH man.

Why can't they just put their babies at some shelters? Why throw them into rubbish cans? Why hang them in paper bags at the billboards? Why flush them down the toilets? That's murder! How can you kill your own baby! Kill your own child, for cryin' out loud. If a newborn baby could speak, that will be the death of you.

A lot of issues have been brought up in the media and the government to overcome this serious social problem. One of it is sex education. As usual, some say yes, some say no. Some say parents should be teaching, not in school; others say, parents don't even teach at home. Both sides have their points but when you weigh it properly, it's kinda obvious.

Yes to Sex Education.

Asian parents are very conservative about sex. They don't teach their kids about sex. My parents never taught be about sex, they avoid it at all cost. Same goes to all my friends. So where do we learn from? Simple, books and magazines. Mostly, books. Storybooks. To be honest, I didn't know what the fuck I was reading at first! LMAO.

My parents would be so surprised on what I know now, HAHA.

Parents don't teach, children get curious. They treat sex as a taboo subject. So when kids get older, they get wilder and keen to explore. When they have sex, all they think at that moment is fun and love. When the girl says 'I'm pregnant', either the boy leaves or kill the baby. So teach sex education in school!

Lastly, if you still really want to have sex - WEAR A CONDOM! Sheesh.

But please just stop with the baby dumping, please. Give them up for adoption. There are SO MANY childless couples out there who are willing to do or give anything to have children. Let somebody who is capable to look after your baby, give them a chance.

Babies are innocent. What wrong did they do to you? Nobody is wrong for being born into this world. Babies deserve to live.

Do the right thing, don't be a murderer.

SAY NO TO BABY DUMPING!

Interview with a Psychologist

2010-08-28T21:36:00.006+08:00

My friends and I were interviewed by a psychologist. No, we aren't troubled kids or anything. It's this career test we took up in school and our school counselor is a certified psychologist who interviewed us. It was cool but quite awkward at first.

There were 4 of us and he nailed our personalities on the dot without us saying or doing anything except for him, asking questions. Most of the time, we burst out laughing cause he managed to scrap out those little secrets that only 4 of us knew. Well, he didn't get the full story but he did sense that he got something.

I'm not gonna reveal any of my friends's interviews. I don't think it would be nice :)

So here's mine. Well, part of it of what I can recall.

P: "When were you born?"

Q: "25/5/1993"

P: "You're supposed to like travelling a lot. Do you?"

Q: "Yes, I like it a lot."

P: "What's your favourite colour?"

Q: "Green."

P: "Number 7...(he was using numerology :O)"

Q: "What?"

P: "You need to communicate with the entire world. You have the urge to connect with the whole universe. Number 7 people are all like that. Do you know what's 7 stands for?""

Q: "Nooo...." (We were all lost at first but soon, we got it)

P: "7 days a week, 7 rainbow colours, the 7 oceans. Do you understand what I mean now?"

He missed out the 7 wonders of the world!!

P: "You're a hot tempered person. Get angry easily."

Q: (HOMG) "Yes."

Not many people know that. He looked at me which I presume was studying me before making that statement.

P: "You're the type of person who can't stand being lectured or hearing lectures. You hate lectures. You can tip off quickly. You can't be bound by rules or boundaries. You need to get out or break every rule there is. And that's why you can't get along with conventional typed of people."

P: "You like being alone, don't you?"

Q: "Alone?"

P: "I'd say 70% alone, 30% with friends. Or issit 60%, 40%?"

It took my friend to explain to me why he said that since I told that I spend a lot of time with my friends.

My friend said, 'When you're with us, sometimes, you space out...like you're here with us but you're not really here with us. It's like shutting yourself out from the world, being alone but still sitting with us.'

But I'm no EMO!

Lastly, after all the questions...it took nearly 3 to 4 hours! We were so tired and exhausted, mentally. Honestly, we were feeling like that. We didn't quite sure know why. My friends ended up with best careers choices for them like Mass Com, Business and Bakery.

I got Psychology. Wooo hoooo!

I love writing and all, and debating. But psychology had always interest me in a way like never before.

He told us to do a research about the careers he gave us, just to google about it and understand it. He told me I could study Psychology and specialized in Pediatrician for Children or Adolescents. But there are other specialization for Psychology too.

My results of searching and googling are these:

4 years of college

4 years of medic school

3 years of an internship and residency

and freaking expensive. Like VERY.

It's a LONG journey but I love to study humans. The behaviours. How do we react, why do we react like that. Depressions, social problem. It intrigues me, really. I think us, humans are fascinating creatures, always curious, on the run. I like to keep asking 'WHY?' and then get the answers out. I like to study how the brain works and what cause us to behave like that.

I'm just a REALLY curious person. The world just keeps surprising me.

Oh well. We plan but God always decides.

There's so much I can hope and wished for but the fate shall decide.

Take care, everyone! See ya next week :)

PLAY

2010-08-26T20:49:00.007+08:00

I want to play in the flakes like this.

don't you?

Do You Believe?

2010-08-21T18:59:00.002+08:00

Do you believe in fairytales?

Do you remember watching those Disney movies where the Princesses are waiting and looking for their Princes Charming? Snow White, I believe is one of the oldest Disney Princess but I was never fond of her. I like Bell from Beauty & The Beast - my favourite Princess Disney movie.

Eventually we all grew out of those fairytale lands, didn't we? We were soon taught, educated and told that fairytale do not exist. You want something, go and chase after it. We can't be waiting for Prince Charming to come knocking on our doors and propose to us the very next minute. This world we currently living in do not hold the word 'fairytale' and often, we see older kids getting annoyed at their younger siblings whenever their imaginations go wild and having fun in their fairytale world.

“Cinderella walked on broken glass, Sleeping Beauty let her whole life pass by, Belle fell in love with a beast, Pocahontas risked her life for a feast, Jasmine could have had anyone but she chose a poor man, and Ariel, she walked on land.”

But what if it's not about waiting for the stars to fall out from the sky? I know a lot of people who hate fairytale but deep within, I'm sure everyone wants their fairytale to happen. We all want that Prince Charming - in our own way. Okay, so he may not be a Prince Charming but he'll be the Prince to your very own.

We've been fooled, cheated, hurt, betrayed, lead on...but that's alright. We do not live in a fairytale land but we can make our fairytale land. Along that journey is anything but easy; with the belief, faith and hope - we can make it through, be the strongest. What's love without taking a risk on it? And if we don't, how are we going to open up and believe in love?

Many of us are afraid and either influence by what others say. Simple, don't. Don't let others tell you what or who you should date, why that person you like is not good enough for you, who should be the right one for you. Honestly, don't, you'll regret it. If it doesn't work out, it's alright. Take your time and search again. God had said that He made each and one of us with partners. It is up to us to search and find. Even God knows how to add adventure in it :)

So keep that heart open but strong. As long as it pumps, believe in fairytale. Believe in love. Believe in almost everything. My simple sentence for you is to just...take a leap in faith.

Less than A Hundred Days

2010-08-20T17:09:00.003+08:00

HEY:) It's been long since I last blogged! Well, I'll be blogging on Fridays only. I really need to organize my time properly as well as use it properly. No facebooking for me (ohmygod), no twittering for me (whatthefuck) and no playing around anymore. But on Fridays, yes I shall! For a few hours. We all do need a little break, after all.

I want it to be all over quickly. I want SPM to be done with and SPM will be over for me in December only. Why does it seem so far away?? Yet I counted and I'm left with less than 100 days left 8O SHITTA. I forgot, it's mid-August already. How wonderful :|

But I'm so looking forward life after SPM! Hahaha, yeah, I've been talking a lot about SPM and my life after SPM lately but it's so close by and I can't help but to play all the things I want to do and am gonna do after SPM. It's so exciting and worrying!

There's PROM to go for right after SPM :D HOMG! Butttt when am I going to get the dress? I'm caught up in SPM from November to December and right after my SPM is over, few days later, it's Prom :/ I need a white dress, I need a pair of golden, gladiator heels. I need to SHOP. I need to do my hunting shopping. Window shopping! I just want to shop.

There's so many things going on my mind right now, so many things I want. And I just want to say this, 'Life is not about how many A's you score'. Obviously, getting good grades are important and nailing every single subject. But I hate it when people think that those who excel very well in academic are the 'good people' or 'they are going to be so great in life'.

I'm not saying my friends who are smart are not good people but seriously, life does not equal to academics. I rather be happy, knowing my life is happy than thinking my life is happy cause everyone says it is. I may not be the smartest girl you know but at least life is a bigger perception for me :)

P.S. I'm sorry that I haven't commented on each of your blog posts. I do read them! Really! But time is not being generous with me. I will, soon, promise.

HUNGARY!

2010-08-13T15:13:00.005+08:00

I love this movie!

The fasting month has finally arrived. I'm so glad :) It gives me all the reasons to hit the bed the moment I reached home. Seriously. Although I have fasted fully since I was 11 or 12 years old but going to school, doing all the daily activities with an empty stomach and no water is SO TIRING.

I am tired now. I should be studying now. But it's Friday. I'm just so BLARGH.

Mum: What are you doing now?

Me: (ohhh crappp!) Uhh, what?

Mum: What are you doing?

Me: Blogging.

Mum: Since when you go online? Half an hour more, then off!

BUMMER :(

Well, SPM trial is on 20th September. Guess that doesn't leave me much time. I have to give myself some time, maybe next week I won't feel so tired anymore cause right now, whatever I'm doing, my stomach is yelling FOOD! On the same time, it made us realize we are lucky we have food to eat especially during breaking fast. Just make me want to stop hunger in this world.

So many things are going on at once. But SPM is my priority, still I'm really not good at focusing on one stuff only. It's impossible. I get restless and bored easily of the same thing. Most of the time, I like to be out of my comfort zone but of course, we all need our space at times.

Okayyy. So I learn that I can't just sit here and wait for something to happen in my head if I don't work on it. Everything has its challenges and in order for me to get through those challenges and get what I aim for - I need strategies. Yupyup, it is true. If not, how in the world will I ever get what I want?

SOLUTION:

STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT EVERYTHING

AND

START WORKING ON EVERYTHING.

But a little bit of sand dust and wishing stars

can definitely help me.

And We All Do Change

2010-08-05T19:51:00.002+08:00

♥ CAM-WHORES ♥

We took photos today for our class graduation pictures to put in the Annual Year End School book. Gosh! Time pass by so goddamn fast! I still can clearly remember the time I first stepped into secondary school. Uh huh, I was naive, blur and nerdy. LOL!

I have to admit. I'm quite afraid and definitely nervous about life after graduating from school - forever. But that's typical for everyone, righttt? And I'm also worried that things will change between friends & classmates once school is done for us and we're off to our own separate ways. Colleges, universities, different locations, overseas, working, etc.

I know, nothing stays the same. EVERYTHING changes after school life where we finally step into the world that we have been half barred from for 17 years. I like changes. I do like new things, new places, new people...but of course, some part of me still want to wrap around these lovely things that have been apart of me for so freaking long.

Friends? Oh, friends. I promise that no matter what happens, no matter how far apart we get or when we change - the PLAN is still on! Down the road, in 10 years time, the plan is on. I'm keeping that promise as we all have and I really, really hope we can do what we planned. Cause when we do, we can look back and say, 'Hey, we actually did what we promised 10 years ago when we were still in school - laughing about our crazy dreams :) .'

I got so many things on my 'have to do' list. And I mean, A LOT! I'm targeting to have them all ticked! YES, I'm aiming that. It's hard, I know, quite impossible but keep on hoping, right? GAH. I must study for my SPM trials nowwww.

I need to get off the laptop. I need to stop going online on weekdays. NEED TO STOP!

Oh, Lord, help me!

:(

2010-08-01T14:36:00.008+08:00

This sucks, honestly.

I'm walking on a thin thread.

The chance is thin, I feel doubtful.

But something ahead pushes me to keep on moving.

I'm scared to continue this thin line,

I'm scared that I'll fall off and there's no cushion to absorb the break.

Then, I'm still determined to go where I feel is right.

But...

what if it turns out I'm chasing after a unicorn?

what if it turns out I'm just waiting for those stars to fall off the sky?

what if there's really NOTHING ahead there?

what if it is because I yearn so much of it,

that I began to imagine things that only my mind plays?

I'm left half blinded, lost in hope and logic.

Nobody said it was going to be black and white,

but nobody said that there'll be no answers.

I'm left in this confused mind, I don't know where to go now.

I feel like I'm replaying back the same scene over and over,

I feel like I'm hoping for something that will never happen.

Should I trust with my feelings?

But it's not easy to ignore it.

In fact, it's one of the reason after it, I'm happy.

But I feel like I'm the one who is making it up,

dreaming about it, wait for it and well,

hope for it.

I feel so PATHETIC <:(

I should be stronger, brush it aside -

but I can't.

I need to learn to get a better grip of myself,

cause it'll never look the same way as I do.

I need to stop these dreams,

cause I need to face reality.

But when I tell this to them,

they say,, 'You're scared to fall but most of all, you're scared of having the scar'.

Should I continue of hoping and waiting for something I feel that'll never happen?

But I can't be stranded here with a grey mind.

But then, it's impossible to let it go.

'Cause I think, it has made up a part of me.

RAWR!

2010-07-30T16:22:00.005+08:00

It's Freaking Friday! YEAYY! Ohh, how I love Fridays :) Don't you? I mean, it's like the last weekday of every week and the next day is Saturday. I don't have to do any homework today because I don't have school tomorrow. Ah, peace. Ohmmm...ohhhmmmm....

I have the best of friends anyone could ever ask for. Since the first time I moved here, which means I have been staying here for a good 3 years, my friends and I, we never fought :) Seriously. We might have pick on little stuff but it was more of the type of petty things we all do with our siblings. We never fought over a guy, we never back-stab, we never cheated on each other, we never had cat fights with each other - I don't want to jinx this at all but it just feels so great knowing I have true, best friends like them. Knowing that no matter what, they'll stick by my side.

I LOVE YOU, babes! I love you all from your heads to your toes!
I hope in 30 years time, when we look back, we'll still be as tight knitted as we are now <3

I am so looking forward this weekend. Why? Well, weekends are usually the days where things happened and no routines are involved! I hate routines. That's why I hate school most of the time - sit in class the WHOLE day, waiting for the teachers to enter and open the book and get quarantine in the class for half of the day!

I want to travel the world! Go backpacking for Euro Trip with my girlfriends. Explore the real world, learn different stuff. Be surprised, fall in love, fall from the sky - hit the ground, get back up and say, 'I'm gonna fly that sky!'

OHMYGAWD. I just love it when people make me laugh! There's this person who never fails to make me laugh whenever we're talking. It just gives me this light feeling. You make everything around me at the moment happy :) THANK YOU. You're one in a million.

Technically, I just love people who makes me laugh.
Heck, I must love a LOT of people then ;D

Take A Leap In Faith

2010-07-25T16:39:00.007+08:00

Such a great movie.

♥ I absolutely love it ♥

I watched The Last Song. You know, Nicholas Sparks wrote the book and it became a best selling book and ALL of his books make people cry because it's so pure and sad. Yes, I cried when I watched the movie. I watched it with my sister and we both ended up crying. I cried more when I read the book! I think books are more emotional since we could literally create our own movie of it. Still, it's the reason why I have a love-hate relationship for movies like that.

I watched Inception too. OHMYGAWD. It's the BOMB! Hahahha, seriously, watch it if you haven't. It's like THE movie of the year. I'm in love with the movie and so are the people who have watched it ;) The movie took about 3 hours and the moment I got out from the cinema, I was mentally exhausted and drained. That movie really require you to think and imagine and of course, dream (you'll get it if you have watched it).

You're waiting for a train. A train that will take you far away. You can't be sure where it will take you. But it doesn't matter, because we'll be together. - Inception

Hmph. Have you ever been through to a point where you just don't know whether to trust yourself anymore? My heart is telling me to believe in it and keep holding on but my brain is lashing out all these logical reasons and scenarios where I completely lose my way, like right now.

It's so CONFUSING and LAME and PATHETIC and ANNOYING and FRUSTRATING.

Sometimes I wish it was all black and white so I can get the answer, not some maybe yes, maybe no, I don't know answers. At times, I just ignore it but how long can I ignore something when I really care and crave for it? Is it possible to just close one eye, push it aside and move on like what most people do? I can't do that. I can't. I can't just run away. I need it but at the same time, I'm not sure if it needs me too.

As they say, if it's meant to be, it'll find its way. So I guess I'll just have to hang in there...for how long? I don't know but currently, I think I can manage it. Hopefully I can, I'm keeping the faith. You know what's the best part? People keep asking me why do I keep holding on when it's the only thing that can break me into pieces, the reason is - It's the only thing that makes me smile for no reason ;)

I Like It,

2010-07-22T22:27:00.005+08:00

I have been having 2 bad mood days in a row. I don't know why. I feel depressed, miserable and upset. No, I'm not cutting myself but I feel like I'm drowning myself.

So I've come up with this list of 'what I like' to make me feel better. It's very random and since writing out things make me feel better, I shall do it!

I like chocolates, though it makes me fat.
I like green eyes people, so hot 8O
I like you, yes you.
I like to wear the colour green.
I like quotes, they are awesome.
I like Westlife, they are even awesome.
I like girls.
I like boys too.
I like cursive writings, I think it's beautiful.
I like beaches and nature, MORE beautiful.
I like the fact that I cross your mind <3
I like when you start the talk first.
I like when people say 'How's life' cause honestly, I have no idea.
I like Adam Lambert a lot.
I like Bill Klaulitz a lot lot.
I like Chace Crawford a lot lot lot.
I like my iPod Touch and laptop.
I like the way you tease, I never get annoyed.
I like hard cover books!
I like reading.
I like shopping, all girls do :)
I like my girlfriends, they're all parts of me.
I like my parents, though they annoy me 99.999999% of the time.
I like to blog :D
I like when you call me that, it made me smile the whole day.
I like British accents.
I like candies, Imma sweet tooth.
I like rainbows and clouds, they look so happy.
I like sun dresses, they look happy too.
I like to talk to you, you make me smile.
I like to be with you, would you let me?
I like to call people 'sweetheart', I like that calling name.
I like to google for vintage photography.
I like to imagine where would I end up in a few years.
I like to say that I love you if I could.

I like the fact you are reading this :)

Keep The Dreams Alive

2010-07-18T20:05:00.003+08:00

SO EXHAUSTED.

SO WORN OUT.

BUT, I'M HAPPY :)

You know what I feel like doing right now? I feel like leaving everything behind and travel the world. Yes, travel this amazing world called Earth. I would love to travel to places that have beaches and beautiful scenaries like Ireland. Yes, Ireland! I've been craving to go to Ireland since young!

Why? Hahaha, I love that band, Westlife (don't you dare bash them, I grew up with them) and when I learn that they are Irish, I was like I love Ireland! HAHA, well I was young back then but now, seeing the photos online and the movie 'Leap Year', plus my friend went to Ireland for a month! And gagagaga, it's so freaking beautiful. The scenaries there are just breathtakingly awesome.

I mean, I do like cities like shopping and malls and Starbucks but I would go for nature any day :') I love cottages, old roads, rocks, beaches, simple roads...I like simple things. I don't need grand things in order to keep me happy. Sure I would love fancy dresses but at the end, I just want to sit back and relax as I enjoy a simple life. Get good grades, enter college, travel the world, marry my perfect guy, settle down and yeaaahh...hahaha, don't lie, we all do it - a scoop into the future.

isn't it prettyyyyy!

People keep saying DREAM BIG! but what if I don't want to dream big? What if I want to dream small? You know, I just want a simple dream and not those deep dream. Does that mean I have to aim to become a President to call that dream big? What if my dream is to be happy everyday and be with the one I love - is that dream big or does that considered small?

It had me thinking, we all have different dreams that lead us to different paths. Where we would each experience different things, bump into different people and conclude different conclusions but in the end, we all do have dreams ;)

Right now, I'm content with my life. I am happy with what I have now but it hasn't reach that bar of what I'm aiming at...hey, it needs time, haha. I just hope things get better in my life from now and heading to the directions I want. Pray, pray, pray and HOPE. I hate to get my hopes down, I really do hate it cause it really shatters me. I have one really BIG HOPE I'm holding onto now, I HOPE it won't go down. Pray and hope for me, will ya?

Crap, I haven't done my Biology reports yet. Need to hand them by tomorrow! UGH, I hate Mondays, don't you? I love weekends :'( Have a great Monday, people!

Military, anyone?

2010-07-16T13:02:00.002+08:00

OMFG. OMFG. OMFG.

The results are out! I'm not talking about exams. I'm talking about the National Service! It is a 3 months military like camp for form 5 students after SPM but only the chosen ones.

I sent the sms to check whether I'm chosen or not and I got a reply: HARAP MAAF, anda tidak dipilih untuk menyertai KUMP 3 siri 08/2011 PLKN. (Translation: Sorry but you're not chosen for the 3rd batch to join the 8th National Service 2011). Which means, I STILL HAVE A CHANCE OF GETTING INTO THE 1st or 2nd batch! ARGHHHH!!

Well, some of them say that National Service or better known as NS is actually not that bad. During that 3 months, you'll be facing this all sort of military trainings, torture, cold showers, ragging (shit man) and all those stuff.

Most of my friends got chosen so I'm doubtful about should I go or not. I mean, it's once in a lifetime experience so it's kinda urging for me to go but seriously, military style camp for 3 months?

I had my plans worked out about what I want to do after SPM. Get a job, work and earn money while waiting for colleges to take in students. Have fun with my friends, shop, laugh, movie marathons and so much more :D But I guess life isn't really meant for us to planned out. It just comes in and gives you one big rock which you don't know what to do with it.

You guys can google up the interent about this National Service or just type in 'Khidmat Negara' if you still can't really understand since some of you are not from Malaysia :) My seniors told me it's HELL for the first few weeks, TORTURE in the middle and FUN at the last 2 weeks. FML man.

Wake up 5:30 in the morning and sleep by 1 or 2 :/ This is my problem, I love to sleep too much. And cold showers! ARGH! Soooo not my cup of tea man :( Buttttt it sounds so much fun...though it's like torture fun. Lol, these are some pics I found and FYI, all the officers are retired army corporals so, they are like tough tough. No joke, seriously -_-

COME ON! TELL ME ALREADY IF I AM IN OR NOT! DONT LEAVE ME HANGING HERE!!
This sucks man.

Secrets That Made Me Cry

2010-07-10T13:08:00.004+08:00

You know those endless times when you keep thinking you life sucks and FML so on. Well, I'm one of those people. I grunt and complain even about the tiniest and pettiest thing. I curse a lot, get down easily and bored easily. I'm trying to change myself to a better person. Now I'm starting off with an optimistic thinking. You know, hope, think and strive for the positive.

I was reading this site Six Billion Secrets and OMG, I cried and cried and cried. Please open and read this site and you'll read and know what I mean. I just cried.

Someone posted this:

I wish one day someone would say to me those 3 words.

Those 3 words I've waited so long to hear, that I'm almost bursting.

Those 3 words that probably don't mean a lot to other people.

I wish someone would say 'Are you okay?' to me.

Another person:

I'm the only one in my class who is still a virgin.

They all think I'm pure and waiting till I find someone special to share it with but the truth is I'm just like the rest of them.

My dad stole it when I was young...

And there's more secrets posted by people around the world. It's just so sad and a wake up call for me. That I'm lucky that I have people who care for me. I have a mom who scolds me because she loves me, I have a dad who lectures me because he wants the best for me, I have friends who stand by me because they believe in me, I have my life in me because I'm lucky.

Before this, I used to think my life is some typical teen life. But when I read some of the secrets from some teenagers, I wanted to so badly let them have part of my life instead of going through that agony and sorrow.

I wish I could meet up with these every person who says they want to kill themselves so I could hug them, stop them, talk to them and make them realize life is beautiful. I want to be there for every single one of them even though I never met them. I want to make them smile and say: Yeah, that's a stupid idea of me killing myself.

If any of you are thinking of committing suicide, depressed or feeling that nobody cares for you, please remember there ARE still people out there who cares. I care. Those who reply back to your secrets care. Shout it out to the world, there's always hope. There's so much ahead of you. Live through it, you can do it. And you'll have my prayers with every step you take :)

You are loved, cared and special. Just so you know. Everyone is and that includes you.

There Is Always Hope

2010-07-09T23:10:00.002+08:00

Hoping sucks big time

but it's what keep us living :')

I'll Make It Out

2010-07-03T16:55:00.004+08:00

I made it through without a scratch. They keep talking, I keep nodding. Ah well, I'll live through it. Nothing's impossible, right? ;D

OMG. BRAZIL IS OUT!!! ARGHHHH!! My heart literally broke, seriously. I've been watching the World Cup matches and seen teams getting kicked out but Brazil :'(( I wanted them to be in the finals, though they are my 2nd favourite team. I'm an Argentina fan until the end! ARGENTINA, please win against Germany tonight! DON'T LOSE OUT! We need you in the finals!

Speaking of Argentina, don't you think Maradona should stop jumping every few seconds? His midget height on top of that annoys me with that horrible beard. Just sayin'.

It's July, already! Like wtf-wth-you-are-kidding-me right?! Time pass by so fast and so many things happened this year. Both sweet and bitter memories. The best memory I've had so far this year is during the UIA debate :) My friends and I totally entered a different phase that we never knew before. It was such a thrilling experience, meeting new people from ALL OVER MALAYSIA :D And ohh, not forgetting some really 'interesting' people too.

And the bitter memory...well, if you've been reading my blog. You would've known. Hahahaha.

SPM! I'm so worried man :( It's like the biggest exam of any student's life! You fail SPM, you fail to go to college. You do badly in SPM, you get no good college. But I'm not the academic star kind of student, you know? The only thing I'm really good at is History and memorizing things. I'm thinking of taking up Law :) Never ever will I take another science field again -_- Sheesh, it's maddening with geeks. LOL.

Currently, I'm dealing all sort of things in my life but I'll manage it somehow without overdoing it. I'm still holding on to it, though - HOPE. Yeah, it always sucks to keep on hoping but that's what keeps us living, ain't it?

I was on the phone -_-

Tales of A Lunatic

All You Need Is Faith and Trust....and A Little Bit of Pixie Dust!

Oh My Sweet Valentine!

I Want To Be a Wallflower

Lights Will Guide You Home

And So Far I've Learned and Discovered...

Que Sera, Sera

Oh Disappointments

The Truth

Off to Neverland!

Never Will, Never Would

*shrug*

An Actress in Life

Something Missing?

Cravings

Random Facts

Invisible Box

Stars For Every Candle

The Soon-To-Be Journey.

To That Girl,

BitterSweet

I think I got that 'FEVER'

Listen.

When Photos Speak

Autumn Fantasy.

Wait and Waiting.

That's What I Said

This is how I see life.

I Regret.

40 Extraordinary Things Happening Right Now

It's Just Us

.

When Life Throws Me Lemons

Unspoken

TOO FAST

Looking Back

Face Palm

It's a New Year!

Farewell

Admit It

Don't Regret, Don't Stop

Aches

RELIEF

♚

✩

Goodbye? Not Just Yet.

Everything Has Its Ending

❥

Drowning In Myself

You Make Me Happy :")

:/

Twist in Life

Last Day of Fasting :)

Dreams - Gone, Kept, Wasted

Dear Juliet

Baby Dumping

Interview with a Psychologist

PLAY

Do You Believe?

Less than A Hundred Days

HUNGARY!

And We All Do Change

:(

RAWR!

Take A Leap In Faith

You're waiting for a train. A train that will take you far away. You can't be sure where it will take you. But it doesn't matter, because we'll be together. - Inception

I Like It,

Keep The Dreams Alive

Military, anyone?

Secrets That Made Me Cry

There Is Always Hope

I'll Make It Out

shrug